I don't want my sons to be know as "the twins." I realize that this is inevitable to a certain degree but at the same time I don't want their whole identity to be about the fact that they share the same DNA. I plan on referring to them as the boys or the babies (just as I do now). I want people to get to know them for being their own person. The hard thing with identical twins is that because they look so similar and can be difficult to tell apart, people feel embarrassed to ask which one they are and treat them as a collective unit. I want my sons to feel loved as individuals and not as one half of their twinhood.
I have read a fair amount about Abigail Pogrebin who wrote the book One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular. She writes from her personal experience as well as numerous interviews with twins, both identical and fraternal. You can check out her blog here. So this is a book I have to snag from the library or maybe just buy as an investment into my twin knowledge.
Most people know I am hopelessly analytical. These are the type of things I think about. Perhaps it will be good to write again so I can have an outlet. Anyone out there a parent to twins, have family members that are twins or a twin them self? I seriously don't tire of the anecdotal twin info. I am like a sponge absorbing all twin baby and parenting advice. So please share.
4 comments:
Even thought I am a fraternal twin and certainly did not share the DNA of my brother, everyone who knew us both always referred to us as "The Twins." Any old friends of my parents would probably still refer to us by that when asking about us. Although, now that we are both married and have our own families, were certainly have become separate entities. In fact, most who know us in the recent years, may not know that we are twins! One thing that helped us "separate" when growing up was that my mom made sure we were always in different classes in school and that we did different things and had different friends. She encouraged individuality in each of us, which was good because we would naturally feel more comfortable doing the same things with each other. So, there is my fraternal twin point of view...hope you enjoyed analyzing that! :)
oops...thought = though. :)
Melissa, by the time I met you, you and Mike had very separate lives. I know you are a twin but I didn't think of you as a twin, if that makes sense. I have cousins that are also boy/girl twins and while they are very different I think they still are very close. Ultimately that is what I care about, that they love each other and are not competitive against one another.
I too have been calling them "the boys" to people, and to my son Jack. I don't want them to be always labeled like that.
It will happen, but I want to do my best to make sure that it doesn't.
I have 3 boys...two happen to be twins. But I have 3 boys :)
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