Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Mourning with Those Who Mourn

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." -Romans 12:15

The day after I arrived in Southern California, I received some very sad news regarding our church family.  An e-mail from one of our pastors was sent out to our church body informing everyone that a young woman in our church had suddenly passed away.  She was a young teenager and in my mind more of a child than anything.  The shock and pain are great.  Her parents are dear people who are strong Christians.  It is hard to imagine the pain that they are in but I am thankful for the hope that I know that they have.  My mind goes to memories that I have of her and how her mom always beamed with pride when she spoke of her.  I see her heading out for the Youth Conference with the rest of the young people from our church this past summer.  There are so many that are feeling this loss so deeply.

The last few days have been great visiting with family but at the same time my heart has felt heavy as I remember my church family in their time of mourning. Dozens and dozens of times a day my mind remembers the family and their loss.  I remember Paul's exhortation to pray without ceasing and it is an easy burden to carry at this time.  Praying is all that I can do right now.  It is hard to be away from my church family and not be able to physically be there to mourn with those who mourn.  I rest in knowing that the Lord carries their burden and that He is surrounding them with people that care deeply.  It has made me squeeze my little ones a little bit tighter the past few days and has encouraged me in patience when I get frustrated and weary.  Our lives are a vapor.  In the years to come, my children will grow up and have to face the hardships of the world.  It struck me that right now they are so free from the many burdens this life presents to us.  I need to cherish the present, love my children wholly and thank the Lord for each and every day that I have with them.  I am not guaranteed a tomorrow with them. 

These are hard things to think upon--loss, death and eternity. It makes me reflect on the hope that I have in Christ.  It makes me realize that this young woman's death may be the catalyst for many young people in our church coming to know the Lord.  It makes me thankful for a loving Heavenly Father that works good for those who love Him even when our finite human minds cannot fathom how that could be the case. 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

More

Today has been fighting more of the same feelings as yesterday. I am tired right now and was hoping to do more of a "real" post but I have a sink full of dishes calling my name. I mentioned yesterday that although this is a tough season there is so much joy in it.

Two little snippets from my ordinary yet very blessed day. Matthias was napping in his swing and woke up and clearly wanted out. I had just showered and was hoping to get dressed and put some make up on. Matthias fell asleep again right after I picked him up. That is my sweet baby. He just needs snuggles sometimes. Look at that sweet little smile on his face. I just sat there for a while soaking it all in. Babies don't keep, right? These days are fleeting.



Eric and I were going to buy the boys sleeping bags later this month for our trip to see family for Thanksgiving. We decided I should buy them now so they could use them on the trip to Southern California. This way there are no worries about them falling out of a bed. The store had Lightning McQueen sleeping bags. They were so excited. They held them the entire time we were in the store. Once we got home they opened them up right away and they both are sleeping in them on top of their bed right now. Seeing such delight in a child's eyes is priceless.



Our lives are made up of these ordinary yet very special moments. I feel blessed to be these boys' mom.

Monday, November 4, 2013

The Temporal

I mentioned in an earlier post that Eric is gone for the next couple weeks.  The opportunity came up for me to go to Southern California with the children and visit family.  I am excited and happy to go but I am just really tired right now.  My older kids are getting up even earlier as they have not adjusted to the time change yet.  I am working with the baby to go down to sleep without me right there which means several plug-ins with the pacifier, shushing and gently jostling his bassinet.  Once he conks out he does really well but last night he did not go down until 12:30 am.  One of the older boys generally wakes up at least once during the night plus I am getting up with the newborn.  It is easy to feel weary in body and spirit.  It is easy to have pity parties.  Yet I am thankful because as a believer in Christ it forces me to distinguish between the temporal and the lasting. I feel like I have so much to do before I leave in a couple days.  It is all stuff that in and of itself is good and useful but as I was feeling frustrated tonight about feeling tired and not having gotten more done, I realized that it was all temporal. If the house is not as clean as I want it to be before I leave for my trip, it will still be there when I get back.  It just became so concrete that it is all really unimportant in the grand scheme of things.  It comes down to wanting to be perceived as organized and having it all together.  Guess what?  I don't and trying to make it happen is exhausting.

My family needs a happy, joyful mother and wife.  I got to talk to my husband for a little while tonight while he was at a job site and I was telling him about my realization.  I was actually chuckling as I told him.  Isn't it crazy how we can fixate on meaningless stuff?  I now think it is funny that I was worried about not being able to clean out the refrigerator before I left.  I am in a tough season right now but there is so much joy in it.  I get to snuggle and love on my kids every. single. day. and am married to such a kind, wonderful man. It is such a gift and I am thankful that the Lord uses these little moments to redeem me and make me more like Him. 

Matthias showing his papa his wiggles and giggles via FaceTime.


Sunday, November 3, 2013

Multi-tasking

I feel like women are generally much better at multi-tasking than men.  I think I have even seen articles that have mentioned that there is scientific research that supports this. Having three young children has made me realize how vital the art of multi-tasking is to basic survival in our household.  I was recently at a church function and a friend was asking me about how Matthias was doing with nursing.  I mentioned that he was a great nurser and that he loved to eat. She laughed and said "Have you had to hold him and try to nurse while you are feeding your older kids?"  Oh yes, yes I have.  Many, many women can relate to that. All the tiny humans become hungry at once and listening to the sound of multiple children crying or whining sends me over the edge so I just do my best to make everyone as happy as I can. Granted my toddlers are learning more about patience but there are certain things that just cannot wait.  I was on the phone with my mother-in-law when Winston told me he had to go potty.  We kept talking for a minute and she said "I will let you go since I know someone needs to use the potty."  I told her I had already helped him by cradling the phone between my chin and shoulder.  After I explained what I had done, it was pretty much a "Yeah, I know all about that" type of response.  Again, totally relatable for many women.  I did some plank exercises and trimmed the baby's fingernails while my older kids were bathing tonight.  I also listened to a lecture on the European Union's control of salmonella in poultry production for continuing education credit while eating dinner and then finished by writing six thank you cards.  That last part is more due to my own procrastination than anything.  I need to complete twenty-four hours of continuing education for my credential by the end of this year.  I told myself I would start them before Matthias arrived but I enjoyed nesting at the time much better. I am trying to cram in an hour here and there as the needs of the children allow.

While it feels great to be busy and efficient, I know that there are times we need to be completely engaged on one person or thing.  I need to stop and just snuggle with one of my toddlers while he excitedly tells me all about a toy he is playing with.  I need to sit and just look at my husband while he tells me about his work day instead of continuing to do the dishes.  A time and place for everything, right? And yes, I am giving myself a pep talk in my own blog again. 

So here is to multi-tasking and the women that have perfected it over the years.  I would love to hear about some fun and creative ways that some of my readers have found to get multiple things done at once.  Let's hear it!


Salad bowl, note cards and an environmental health lecture--an evening of glamour.



Sunday, December 2, 2012

Working Mom to Stay at Home Mom

I hit an anniversary over Thanksgiving weekend.  It was a year ago that I was starting the transition from having a full time job outside the home to staying at home with the boys.  I have now been a stay at home mom for twice as long as I was a working mom. Wow, that is crazy.  To be honest, I do not think I am any better at this gig now than when I first started.  I have learned and am continuing to learn some valuable lessons in all of it.  I am thankful that I have the comparison of being a working mom to look back on. It helps encourage me during the difficult days with the boys that I am so blessed to be able to spend as much time with them as I do.

There are the moms out there that seem to just genuinely love domestic life and are really good at it.  They never look back at their working days with a nostalgic wistfulness.  I am not one of those women.  I struggle with the mundane tasks that need to be done over and over.  It used to be that I found cleaning to be somewhat relaxing.  I got home and found satisfaction in doing housework.  I had areas of my life compartmentalized. Now I live at my workplace, so to speak, and it can be quite maddening sometimes.  I see stuff all the time that is not getting done and I get frustrated.  It is hard to gauge the level of your work.  There are no more formal evaluations and verbal feedback as to your performance.  So I look at my boys and their physical and intellectual growth and tell myself that I am succeeding despite the petty housework issues that fall by the wayside. 

Another thing that women do not tell each other enough is that staying at home with small children can be an incredibly isolating experience.  There are aspects of working that I miss tremendously.  It is very difficult to physically work just as hard if not harder than you ever have before and not feel appreciated.  Earning a pay check brought me a big chunk of my self-esteem.  Putting on decent clothing, doing my make-up and hair everyday and having conversations with other intelligent adults did a lot to boost my morale.  It is so easy to say, "I will never be one of those women that let myself go."  I get that. I totally do.  It is not that I sit around all day and fail to take care of myself.  It is just hard to motivate myself to beautify when Eric is out of town and the only people I see for several days in a row are Abraham and Winston.  The boys care that mama sits down and plays with them.  They do not care about my hair.  It is a tough balance to strike and I think like most things in life it is a constant effort to do so.

Becoming a mother taught me a whole new level of patience and selflessness and staying at home with the boys even multiplied that.  I have laid aside my ambitions and desires for the good of my children. It is hard some days.  Satan can tempt me with the thought that I deserve more and that I need more in this life to be fulfilled. The reality is that I have never had greater fulfillment in my life.  My children are a joy to me. Sometimes they drive me crazy but I am so thankful that I can serve them.  I am thankful they can look back and see with my lifestyle how much I love them. 

I have been in the position where I was leaving my two month old infants in someone else's care while I commuted and worked a full eight hour day.  It was hard.  I do not envy anyone in that position.  I know what it is like to be so tired when you are driving home from work but the minute you see your kids again, you pick back up and are giving them 110%.  It is that mommy DNA that allows you to do feats of super human strength.  Love drives and compels you everyday to do what you need to do to provide for your children.  I have some friends that are working moms and I am amazed to see what they do on a daily basis.  They could seriously run circles around me in the tasks they accomplish.  There is no right and there is no wrong when it comes to a mom working.  It is the unique situation and conviction of each family to decide whether mom is going to go outside the home to earn an income.

Me with my little bubbas at one week old.

To the stay at home moms, you are my hero.  To the working moms, you are my hero.  To those moms that are doing the very best you can for your kids every single day, you are my hero. We are all mothers and we love our children.  We do what we do because we want what is best for our kids.  Let's cheer each other on no matter our individual circumstances.

Friday, October 26, 2012

My History of Running

Once upon a time, I was actually a pretty good runner.  Nothing amazing, mind you, but I learned that I could run distance and was good at keeping a pace.  Running was something I kind of fell into in college when I was really struggling with my weight.  I was on a few different anti-convulsants and seizure meds throughout college and one of the major side effects was that I put on some weight that I could not get off no matter how hard I tried.  I ran to just burn calories and try to maintain if not lose some weight.  The summer before my senior year I worked as a nanny and got into the habit of running every morning before I went to work.  I eventually had a base of four miles and was able to lose some weight. 

Once I graduated, I moved to a new town and rented a house with a childhood friend and some other Christian girls.  Two of those girls had serious running backgrounds, so it was easy to stay motivated when I saw my housemates running quite frequently.  I had a relapse with my seizure disorder and running became a major outlet for stress for me. I did not have control over my work or career situation, was back on seizure meds and felt like my life was completely adrift but running was something I could have control over.

I finally ran my first race in 2006, the Camp Pendleton Mud Run.  My ambition and desire was to run a full marathon.  I had seen numerous mailers for Team in Training and loved the idea of running to raise money for cancer research.  I had no idea how prophetic that desire would be when my own father was diagnosed with a form of blood cancer.  I had motivation like I never had before in running.  I was really proud of my training in that period and had a strong goal of finishing my marathon in under five hours.  Despite hitting the wall badly at mile 22 and having to finish most of the race from that point on walking, I finished the San Diego Rock n' Roll Marathon at 4:44:46 (chip time).  I ran the Camp Pendleton Mud Run again that summer.  My relationship with Eric was in the early stages and after that summer running was not as big of a priority.  I was also having health issues that I now know were linked to my adrenal insufficiency.  I did not have the energy or ability to be running.

2007 Mud Run- Snagged this from my friend's Facebook account.  I am the muddy girl with the hat on.

Then life continues to goes on. In spring of 2008, Eric and I were planning our wedding and I was involved in a hit and run accident.  I was rear ended and the person that hit me fled the scene. Fast forward about six months and I was a newlywed living in a new state and still trying to recover from the injuries from the car accident when I was rear ended again in a chain reaction during icy road conditions.  The first car fled the scene so it was considered another uninsured motorist/hit and run accident.  Fortunately there have not been anymore accidents but it took a long time with physical therapy and chiropractic care to even think about running again. At one point, my pain control/orthopedic doctor told me to seriously think about not being able to run again.  That was hard for me and I really had to surrender that to the Lord and give up my ambitions.  The ambition itself was not bad but it had a place in my heart where it meant more than it should have, hence it was an idol.




Getting ready to line up.  Power gel and my Camelbak.

I am laughing that I actually posed all proudly with my medal with a Coca-Cola sign.

In spring of 2010, I was slowly making progress and was starting on short runs of 2 miles.  Then we got pregnant with the twins that summer and no high impact exercise was allowed.  After that I was recovering from birth and all the moms reading this know what that can be like.  Once I was staying  home with the boys, I tried taking lots of walks and eventually got them loaded up into the jogging stroller. I was really out of shape and was able to run a mile at most without stopping for a walk break.  I used the MapMyRun app on my phone and kept just trying to plug away.  Then I finally hit the wall again in terms of my adrenal insufficiency.  I started taking hydrocortisone again and within a couple weeks I was already feeling so much better. I just kept chipping away at the running and was running 2.0-2.5 miles without stopping.  Mind you, this is with pushing about 50 lbs. of toddler plus the weight of the jogging stroller.  I am an incredibly goal oriented person. Without clear goals or deadlines, I can totally procrastinate or fall into lazy behavior.  I knew that if I was really going to improve with this running thing again that I was going to have to sign up for a race.  I also had an unofficial New Year's resolution that I was going to run a race before 2012 was over.  Originally I was aspiring to run a 5K back in June but then I started having the really bad fatigue and muscle pain and most of my summer was then trying to get healthy again.  I looked into local events and saw that the Nevada Day 8K was at the end of October.  That met the 2012 cut off that I was looking for.

All that to say that I am running the Nevada Day 8K on Saturday.  I am nervous but the good kind of nervous.  I am excited and I am looking forward to having my hubby there.  He has never seen me race so this is a big deal for me. Running is getting back to me, a part of me, that I have not prioritized or not been able to do because of health issues and investing myself into my family.  I want to set a good example for my kids and for my husband that health and fitness is important.  I cannot wait to update you all on how I do!  I have a time goal but I am telling myself to just be proud that I am able to run again.  It has been a long journey back and I am grateful for the lessons I have learned about life along the way. 

Friday, August 31, 2012

Guest Posting at 3 Little Men & a Mommy

Hey everybody!  I am excited to be guest posting over at 3 Little Men & a Mommy today.  Krystle and I "met" through the blogging community when we were both pregnant with our twin boys.  Her boys are a month older than mine so she has been a great resource for me to figure out what I should be expecting in the following month with our little duo. 

Krystle needed people to write guest posts because she went on a media fast for the entire month of August.  I gotta say that I really admire her and her family for doing that.  It is not easy to do in this era of smart phones and wifi.  With all that in mind, when Krystle said she was looking for guest posts I thought about my own struggle with social media--how it can cause me to judge others prematurely or condemn myself based on false standards.  The post is about being a Heart Led Mama.  Please check it out and as always, I love feedback!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Midnight Hour

We just said good-bye to some friends a couple of minutes ago and as I was walking down the hall to get ready for bed I realized I had not done a post.  I am still on board for NaBloPoMo.  It is nearly the midnight hour both literally and figuratively but I am getting it done. 

We do not normally go to bed super early even on weeknights but we had a great reason to stay up even later tonight.  We got to have some friends, Josh and Sarah, over that we only get to see occasionally like once or twice a year.  The conversation always flows with them and I appreciate the versatility and variation of conversation between us all.  Tomorrow morning I am not going to be loving life when that alarm clock goes off but it was totally worth it.  Relationships and getting to know people is important.  It has been hard maintaining friendships these last several months with adjusting to parenthood times two.  Any opportunity that friends make to come over and hang out is always more than welcome.  It's amazing how in the course of an evening so many different topics can be touched upon.  We talked about babies, new parenthood, juicing, blogging, iPhones, church life, television, Craigslist, home ownership, Mormonism and who knows what else I am forgetting.  It's evenings and conversation like that that I thrive on. 

What makes you light up and excited about life?  I love that it can be something as simple as a nice evening with friends.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Making Each Other Laugh

One aspect of being married to Eric that I love is how he makes me laugh.  Eric can make me laugh more than anyone and more than that he can make me laugh at myself. Laughing at yourself I think is important, to not take one's self too seriously. Eric gets more leverage than anybody when it comes to teasing me. Last night was a perfect example of how we like to rile one another up. 

I mentioned recently that we had a new door installed.  Our friend that installed the door did not realize that we already had a dead bolt on the old door so he had bought one that we did not end up needing.  I mentioned to Eric that we needed to return the deadbolt since Tim had taken the one off the old door to use on the new door.  Eric was adamant that there was a new dead bolt on the new door.  First he stated that the old dead bolt was brass.  Umm, no it was not.  Then he mentioned that the 'new' deadbolt turned the opposite way of the old one. In that he was correct but then I ventured to suggest that maybe it was just installed upside down compared to its old orientation.  He conceded that could be the case.  Then I just point blank told him that I was positive that the deadbolt was the same otherwise we would not have an extra one we needed to return.  Well, he took that as fighting words and trumped down the hall to get his shoes to go outside and see if the old deadbolt was still in the old door laying on the side of the house.  He was out there for a little while.

Eric came inside and stated,"Well, all the locks to the house are keyed the same.  If it was the same lock then it would work with this key."

Yep, that dead bolt turned right away with the house key.

I asked with fake modesty, "Ummm, is there anything you need to say?"

We just smiled at each other and then he told me he was sorry for thinking that I was wrong.  And that is what I also love about my hubby, he is so quick to admit when he is wrong and that he is sorry.  Of course, I seek to admit right away when I know I am wrong as well. We then laughed because we never seem to fight about 'important' things. One thing we often say in situations like this after the situation is resolved is: "Are you sure you don't want to have a fight about 'fill-in-the blank stupid thing'?" We realize how dumb it sounds as soon as we shut the budding argument down. True story, our first fight was about a water proof wallet during our honeymoon but that is another story for another day.  The point is that we are learning with each successive year of marriage how to effectively communicate with one another and to let go of petty arguments.  We laugh instead...and this is vital for two people as stubborn as mules who happened to fall in love with one another and get married.

The traditional self-pic

I am glad that we can use humor to point out to one another how silly we are sometimes.  I love that my best friend and I can make each other laugh and that we can spend the rest of our lives perfecting it.

Eric here, yes this really did happen and I approve this message... =)

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Looking Forward to Sand Castles

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."   - C.S. Lewis

One of the many paradoxes of the Christian faith is that we are to seek to be content in all things, considering every situation good according to God's perfect will, yet have a faith that God can move mountains and change our situation in a dramatic way.  I can clearly remember driving to work in the last week of August and feeling tired.  I remember feeling like I was always tired and wondered if there was ever going to be a time in my life when I was not tired again.  Working full time and still waking up quite frequently with the boys at night, I saw the pretty sunrise over the Pine Nut Mountains and was reminded that the Lord's mercies are new every morning.  He was going to give me the grace and mercy to get through one more day.  He was going to give me what I needed to get through however long I needed to balance full time work and full time mommyhood.  Then I remembered C.S. Lewis's quote above. 

"Lord, am I so focused on survival, grinning and bearing it, seeking to be content, that I am not remembering that you can change this situation at any moment?  Am I seeking to love mud pies when you want me to realize you have the power to transform them into sand castles?" 

And with that I thought about how God had the power to do anything but that ultimately He was good in whatever He did.  I remembered that He gives us the ability to do difficult things.  I focused on the joy He could and does bring me. That same week Eric got a job offer.  I was floored.  It's not too often that we get to see God's will so clear and absolute.  Then that same day Eric got fired from a company he had been with for nearly thirteen years.  I was listening very intently now.  There was a sense of confusion especially for poor Eric but ultimately I felt at peace.  I saw God moving.  How could I not feel peace? Eric started his new job three weeks ago.  We were so excited because we knew the possibility was there.  We looked at our budget and the numbers worked. 

I gave notice at work this week.  On Thanksgiving Day I will spend my first official day as a stay at home mom.  I like working.  I find it fulfilling but it is nothing compared to the fulfillment that my children bring me.  I don't have to work full time any longer.  I don't have to spend my days feeling guilty that someone else is caring for my babies.  I don't have to be tired all the time and struggle to fill so many different hats. My ultimate dream is happening. 

I am crying because God actually wanted me to see the sand on the shore instead of making mud pies.  He did not have to do that.  He still would have been just as good and righteous in His will if I stayed working full time for the rest of my life.  I had forgotten His power.  If He can do little things like this that change my life so dramatically, I cannot even fathom what He accomplished through the cross.  Why is this all happening now exactly? I don't know.  His ways are far above my ways.  But I do know that it leaves me humbled and determined to never take it for granted that I get to spend these precious little years with my boys. 

Soli Deo Gloria.



Thursday, September 22, 2011

A to Z

So my blogger friend Krystle from Three Little Men and the Mommy posted this list and I thought I would give it a go.  You should follow Krystle because she has a great blog and I think she is only a couple followers away from doing a give away.  Woot!

So here is my A to Z:

A. Age: 29.  Yep, I am nearing the end of an era. 


B. Bed size: Cal King.  I insisted right after we got home from our honeymoon.  I had been hanging on to the edge of the Queen sized bed trying not to fall off because Eric is a belly sleeper.

C. Chore that you hate: Folding and putting away laundry.  Doing the laundry, not a problem, but my follow through is lacking. 

D. Dogs: Two little rescue dogs named Suzie and Scooter.

E. Essential start to your day: Hmmm, coffee?  (sheepish look)

F. Favorite color: To wear?  For decorating?  To wear, a cyan or turquoise. 

G. Gold or Silver: Silver

H. Height: 5' 8 or so I thought.  My recent physical says 5'7.

I. Instruments you play: I can read some music.  Played baritone and piano when I was younger. 

J. Job title: Mama, Wife and Environmental Scientist

K. Kids: Two baby boys who are 6 months.

L. Live: Northern NV

M. Mother’s name: Joanna

N. Nicknames: Most commonly used are Jo, JoJo, Mama JoJo,  and Joleencha, Joey (the last two are said with a 'ya' sound for the 'j' in Dutch phonetics).  Eric either calls me pet names or my first name.  He never shortens it.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Extensive jaw surgery when I was a teenager and for my boys' delivery. 

P. Pet peeves: Green grocers' apostrophes (people using apostrophes to make words plural), cussing, people who drive way slower than the speed limit, parents that yell at their kids in public, people that don't wash their hands and waiters that eavesdrop and join conversations uninvited.

Q. Quote from a movie: "May your first child be a masculine child."

R. Right or left handed: Right

S. Siblings: A little brother (half) that is eight years younger than me. 

T. Time to wake up: In the 5:30 to 6 am range. 

U. Underwear: Yes

V. Vegetable you hate: I am not huge on cauliflower when it's raw. 

W. What makes you run late: An exploded diaper or major spit up that necessitates a clothing change and throws my 'getting out the door' schedule off. 

X. X-Rays you’ve had: My jaw, neck and lower back.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Any baked good, spinach artichoke dip, chicken curry and enchiladas.

Z. Zoo animal: orangutans



Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Carson City IHOP Shooting

As many are aware, we had a violent event happen in Carson City yesterday morning. A man outfitted with an AK-47 went into the local IHOP and killed four people, including three National Guard members, a civilian and also wounded several others. It has been disconcerting because our area is not known for violent crime. It's one of those circumstances where you hear about stuff like that happening in metropolitan areas and think that it wouldn't happen in your own backyard. We live in a sinful world however and there is no insulating one's self from those influences.

Driving past the IHOP this morning on my way to work, a large area around it was cordoned off. Bullet holes were visible in the windows of the local businesses in the strip mall. It's surreal seeing our local stores and restaurants in photographs on national news services. I think about those Guardsmen who enlisted in the military knowing that their lives could be endangered and made it through their tours abroad only to be shot while eating their morning breakfast.

Please pray for the victims and their families. A man from our church is a chaplain with the National Guard. I am sure he has been overwhelmed in the last 24 hours trying to counsel and console the victims and their families. It's occurrences like this that make me sad and long for Jesus' return. In the end, my hope is in the belief that evil will not reign and it will not win.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

One of Those Weeks

There are some weeks where life seems to cruise along and you’re in the rhythm of things. You get into a routine, you know what needs to get done and you get out there and conquer it. Then there are weeks like this one…yeah, one of those. The type of week where every little thing gets more complicated than it should, you get kind of grumpy and the worst part—you’re not sure what the actual problem is or how to fix it. The last couple days I have been struggling to find my joy amidst the everyday frustrations of life. Stuff that normally does not bother me has gotten me irritated. The kid that peed on me right after I had changed the outfit he spit up on? Eh, no big deal. Kids do that. But this week it was wearing me down.

I think I am over the hump today. Perfect being that it’s Hump Day.

Satan is smart. He knows when we are in a good place. He knows when we are happy, grateful and growing in our faith. He waits for us to let our guard down and then he moves in. He wants us to curse our blessings and only focus on the “bad” stuff in our lives. Our sin skews our perception of what an actual problem is and, trust me, I am the queen of this. I get very much into control and lose sight of what matters at times. For example, my house is never going to be as organized and clean as I want it to be until A&W are actually able to start contributing with chores. But God is not going to love me more if I have an immaculate home; rather He wants me to put aside how that goal becomes idolatrous at times.

So I am going to focus on my blessings which I find is always the best way to get out of these types of funks. And I have two amazing blessings in my little boys:



Winston's wide eyed looks.



Abraham and one of his little grins.

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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Selective Reduction of Twins: A Personal Response to the NYT Article


The recent New York Times’ article “The Two-Minus-One Pregnancy” by Ruth Padawer covers the increasing frequency of women undergoing selective reduction from a twin pregnancy to a singleton pregnancy after utilizing fertility treatments to conceive. This is not a complete argument and rebuttal against selective reduction or abortion because the ridiculousness of a woman terminating a pregnancy after purposefully and knowingly undergoing fertility treatments that increase her chance of having multiples I believe speaks for itself; rather I am speaking from a personal place and a more visceral response.

It has been less than a year since a routine ultrasound at approximately eleven weeks into my pregnancy revealed two tiny babies in my uterus. My husband Eric and I were astounded to see and hear two little heartbeats and see four sets of limbs moving back and forth. We understand the fear, uncertainty and anxiety that come with finding out that one is having twins. However, I cannot comprehend the selfishness that it takes to abort one of your own children, and not the other, in order to maintain desired financial and social comfort. The NYT article is not talking about terminating a pregnancy due to failed contraception, birth defects and cases of incest and rape—the mainstays we hear about in the abortion debate. We are talking about women killing babies they tried very purposefully to conceive.

The problem with pro-choice rhetoric is that “choice” is supposed to leave us with more freedom but instead burdens us with increasing ethical dilemmas of making said choices. A bioethicist named Josephine Johnston, whose focus is assisted reproduction at the Hastings Center in Garrison, N.Y., is quoted in the article as saying, “In an odd way, having more choices actually places a much greater burden on women, because we become the creators of our circumstance, whereas, before, we were the recipients of them. I’m not saying we should have less choices; I’m saying choices are not always as liberating and empowering as we hope they will be.” I think it is common grace that so many people claiming to espouse pro-choice views are expressing discomfort with and actively debating this topic. The article addresses the guilt that the parents feel in choosing to terminate one of their unborn twin babies and the need to conceal their decision from family and friends. I think that the guilt and subsequent concealment of their action speaks volumes as to how repugnant selective reduction is; these people are working to silence the screams of their consciences. To abort one’s child is simply wrong and I believe a grave sin tantamount to murder.

My twin boys are only five months old. I am often asked how their little personalities are already different. There are nuances in their behavior, different preferences and so forth but at this stage they are largely alike; they’re babies after all. Yet they are loved equally, wholly and independently of each other. I cannot imagine one of my sons without the other. Since I saw them on that ultrasound screen I have loved them despite any fear I may have had. I cannot imagine a mother determining that one twin’s life was more valuable than the other and choosing to end that other child’s life. I cannot adequately explain the joy and wonder in looking down while nursing and seeing two little sets of blue eyes locked in on mine, my babies’ hands intertwined or touching one another’s faces. How could I explain that all the worries that I could have a favorite twin or that I wouldn’t have enough love to go around completely dissipated after I gave birth? God has also more than provided for these babies’ needs; they lack nothing. How then could those parents who use IVF to conceive twins be so far removed from seeing those twins as a blessing? Instead they actually see two babies as a burden and decide to kill one. In the womb where they should be safe and nourished, where they represent innocence and are entirely equal in their countenance, a parent or doctor decides to inject one of their hearts with potassium chloride until it stops beating—in a word, horrifying.

The reality is that the parents acting in such a selfish and heinous way have a lifetime to process their decision. Every time their remaining child reaches a milestone, that parent will have to wonder about the twin that could have been, that was, the child whose life they extinguished. What about these children that are missing their twin? How will they react to discovering that mom and dad chose to abort their twin rather than them due to perceived convenience, a preferred gender or just pure chance (in the case of identical twins)?

It also stands to reason that if decisions such as these are the result of “choice,” then what else will I see happening in the name of reproductive rights in my lifetime? Babies are already aborted in certain parts of the world because they are the wrong gender causing an unnatural ratio of men to women. If aborting a healthy twin is also okay, then is it alright to abort a baby because genetic testing reveals they do not have the preferred color eyes, hair or skin? I don’t think asking that is extreme. We are allowing people to take embryos, human lives, created in a petri dish and transferred into what should be the sanctity of the womb, then reverting and destroying it.

I asked my husband for his thoughts on the article and added a disclaimer that it might make him upset if he read it. His blunt response was as follows: “I have no need to read the article. I find it asinine that people in our society are so desperate to have children they pay a doctor [thousands of dollars] to become pregnant. Then by God’s grace and His blessing He gives them two children, but because of their fear, selfish desires, it does not fit into their plan, etc. (all pathetic excuses for rationalizing killing a baby), they spend more money and kill one of them so their plans are met.”

Everyday Eric and I comment at how blessed we are to have our twin boys. Would life be easier if we had only one baby? Yes. But would it be better? No. We would not have double the joy, double the smiles, double the coos and double the chubby cheeks to kiss. I get so excited thinking about the near future when we will have two little boys running around, giggling and playing with one another. While I feel indignation at those people that choose to abort one of their babies, ultimately I feel sad for them. I grieve for them. One has to be calloused and suppress a fear of God (or be godless save their own self-worship) to make such a decision. Not only will they miss the presence of their little one, the blood of that baby is on their hands; God will be their judge.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I May Be Old Fashioned...

As I get older, I realize I am retaining some of the old fashioned values I grew up with. Stuff I never cared about matters a lot now that I have a few years of marriage under my belt and have experienced motherhood. I am not exceptionally conservative but these are the trends in social etiquette, particularly with name usage, that leave me a bit peeved:

-If a woman is out and about with two small babies and her wedding ring on, it is not polite to call her 'miss.' It infers something I don't appreciate. For me, words still have a deep connotation and by calling me 'miss' you are implying I am an unwed mother. The term 'ms.' is there if one is unsure. I get that the term miss can be a back handed compliment to say that someone looks young...but not when I am out with my kiddos.
-If I am in the store and I encounter a cashier that refers to me by my first name it really bugs me. Just because you can read my name on my debit card does not mean I know you in a familiar way. I don't know you so don't talk to me as if you do. I have no problem with people utilizing my last name and saying 'Ms. Guddat' but I am not your buddy so using my first name purports a false intimacy.
-I don't like when kids automatically assume they can call me by my first name. Out of respect please call me Mrs. Guddat, Miss Joleen, or something that connotes I am viewed with respect. If the 'kid' in question is a teenager I normally tell them to just call me Joleen anyways but I appreciate parents that teach their children the basic sentiment to ask whether it is okay.

So am I a total old-fashioned codger at the age of 29? Does this type of stuff bug you? What are your pet peeves?


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