Leap Year Post

Photo credits- Harmony Hilderbrand Photography

This was me a little more than a year ago.  Last February we had a fresh blanket of snow here in the valley and my friend Harmony took my maternity pics.  I was as big as a house and was hiking through the snow and balancing on a rock trying to get the shots we had discussed.  Harmony is a good friend hunkering down in the snow and sharing her talent with me in that way.  I look back at it and am amazed at how active I stayed and what I was still doing at that point.  I was blessed with such an incredible twin pregnancy--no gestational diabetes, pre-term labor, bed rest, etc.  I loved being pregnant with my boys.  There were some hard moments like when they were both breech and I felt like my ribs were going to break but overall it was an amazing experience.  Now I am a mother to two children.  With the boys approaching their first birthday, I am obviously very nostalgic.  No one feels beautiful while they are pregnant but I look back at these photos and I feel like I looked beautiful.  My body carried two babies to 37 weeks and it makes me feel strong, empowered and in awe of how God designed my body to accomplish that feat. 

I feel like this whole past year lept past me.  I kept thinking it was March for nearly the past 12 months so starting tomorrow I will finally be back on track.  You always hear that time goes faster as you get older.  It is a cliche but there is a reason it is a cliche, because it's true.  I look at how our family has grown not only physically but emotionally and spiritually.  Let me tell you people, you will learn what your marriage is made of when you have newborn twins.  The process of having two babies at once is stressful, crazy, exhausting, wonderful, exhilarating and absolutely amazing.  I look at these photos and I see how I was joyfully anticipating A&W's arrival but that ultimately I could not expect all that it would entail. You try to prepare yourself for how hard it is going to be but you just have to be there before you can understand.  I have a new sense of fulfillment from being a mom (or should I say MoM) that I would not trade for anything however. 

Next leap year I will be mothering two very talkative and high energy little boys.  The thought thrills me.   

And So It Begins...

My little guys have been a little bit on the slow side when it comes to developmental milestones such as sitting up, crawling, etc. They did not start sitting up unassisted until they were well into their ninth month. They also did not crawl until they were past ten months. They are on their own time line and with having two to chase after, I did not mind that A&W were not mobile yet.
I have been trying to give the boys free range crawling time for about 20-30 minutes a day so that they can build up their muscle strength. I follow them around and make sure they do not get into trouble. I have been helping them figure out how to get their feet under them and pull up into the standing position. It finally clicked today for Abraham. I had just put him and Winston in their play yard and looked over to see Abraham standing up and holding onto the fence panel. Then he gave an encore and pulled up on the entertainment center. Winston is getting close to standing up also but is not there quite yet.

I am also holding their hands and teaching them to take steps. Abraham is picking it up pretty fast. After having Winston being the first to sit up unassisted and crawl, it is fun seeing Abraham be first with a milestone again. It is so fun to see which little guy does what first.

I am going to have two toddlers here pretty soon--two walking toddlers.


We were watching a show that had babies tearing up paper, playing with boxes, etc. I think Abraham wanted to say hi to the other babies.

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Allergic Reaction

Yesterday morning was quite eventful for our family.  The boys had their first allergic reaction.  God was gracious keeping them safe and keeping me calm.  The boys have been doing so well with eating table food and feeding themselves. They love eating whole grain bread and I decided to spread a little peanut butter on it.  They were eating it up and making their "num num" sounds indicating that they liked it.  They ate the first couple cubes so I gave them some more.  Winston started whining and rubbed his eyes and started pulling on his ears.  I thought it was his standard sleepiness signals since they eat breakfast shortly before their morning nap.  I realized that he was getting a red ring around his mouth.  He was developing hives in the blink of an eye.  I pulled the trays off the high chairs and pulled Winston out of his high chair first since he was not looking good.  I quickly washed Winston's face and hands since everywhere he had touched his face was turning red and puffy.  He was breathing fine but was irritable.  I was mentally preparing myself to call 911 if his breathing became labored or wheezy.  Abraham was completely unfazed.  He had some minor redness around his mouth and a few hives on his face but was looking a lot better than Winston.  I called Eric at work and thank God he picked up right away.  I explained what was happening and that I had no Benadryl in the house.  Eric left work right away and got children's Benadryl for me.  While I was waiting I had the boys on the floor playing.  I started nursing Winston because my thought was that if he was having trouble breathing then he would not be able to nurse.  He was nursing just fine so I knew he could breathe through his nose okay.  Then I nursed Abraham who was still acting like nothing was wrong despite his red face.  I got both boys into the bath tub to rinse off any peanut residual.  At that point Eric got home with the Benadryl and we began discussing dosage since it was not for infants.  I had tried calling my pediatrician several times at this point and had no success even getting the answering service.  I called the hospital where the boys were born and asked to speak to a nurse in the pediatric unit.  I explained what was happening and they connected me to the pediatrician on call who is an associate of our regular pediatrician.  The doctor was fabulous and made sure about the concentration of the Benadryl we had bought and gave us a dosage to use.  She reassured me that it was prefectly acceptable to let them try the peanut butter and that I did not do something wrong.  She was going to leave a message with our regular pediatrician and that he would refer us to an allergist. The boys were happily splashing in the tub at this point and I knew they were going to be okay.  The boys got their Benadryl and took some good naps yesterday.  Winston had the stronger reaction so he actually took three naps and I had to wake him up for dinner.  They look great today and are acting like nothing ever happened. 

 This is Winston about 4 hours after his reaction.  His face was looking a lot

better here but his whole body had a rash. 

I LOVE peanut butter and eat it all the time. I have continued nursing the boys and they never developed eczema which can be a tell tale sign to being allergic to something within my diet. Neither Eric nor I have a family history of food allergies.  Eric has some problems with lactose but nothing severe like what happened yesterday.  The boys love peas and pinto beans which are also in the legume family like peanuts and have had no problems with eating them.  I actually made sure before I let them try the peanut butter that I was not doing something against the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendations.  I read how in countries like Israel where infants are exposed to peanuts there is a lower prevalence of peanut allergies than in countries where it is advised against until later in toddlerhood. The abstract is here.  So all that to say I was not being flippant or taking an unnecesary risk in giving it to the boys.

I am humbled as a mother.  I did everything "right" yet this still happened.  I will confess that at times when I hear about kids having severe food allergies that I have wondered if they were not breastfed or if they were introduced to solids too soon.  I am a jerk like that sometimes.  God has used this to again show me of His sovereignty and that my children truly rest in His hands.  I can try to control everything but ultimately things like food allergies are out of my hands.

My husband actually wrapped up two jars of all natural peanut butter for me for Christmas because I love it so much.  Costco had discontinued their organic peanut butter several months ago and they finally got an all natural version in shortly before Christmas and Eric knew I was so excited about it. I now have several jars of peanut butter to get out of my pantry.  I ate oatmeal for breakfast instead of peanut butter toast.  It's going to be a process for me to get it out of my diet and to be vigilant about reading labels for the boys.  I am going to eliminate tree nuts as well until we know what we are dealing with.  I am telling myself to take it one day at a time and that this will again become our new normal. 

My three men.  I love them more than life.

My Love

Eric is my one and only valentine.  My grandma Gertie, who has been married for sixty four years to my grandpa Dick, gave me some sage advice many years ago when I was waiting for God to show me the man I would marry.  She told me, "You have to be friends before you can become lovers."  Seems pretty obvious, right?  She was more right than I realized though because in our culture so many people want to rush right into having a romantic or sexual relationship before actually getting to know the other person.  We are a society that is in love with being in love without knowing what love really is.  Does that make sense?  You may "fall" in love but commitment is what makes the love stay.  Love is an action verb and not just an emotion. We are practicing love around here in an effort to make it perfect. 

My sweet valentine just got home a little while ago from a work trip.  He is worn out because he does not sleep too well in a place he has never been.  I don't mind not having an extra dose of romance for Valentine's Day because the reality is this man is so consistent.  He treats me like I am the greatest thing ever every single day.  I don't need roses or a teddy bear to help me feel loved by him.  I  love him and he loves me.  He truly is my best friend.

Hubby and me all ready for my special 30th birthday date.

Eleven Months!

Our little guys are eleven months old!.  If this past month had a theme word it would have been 'autonomy.' Baby boys have been all about doing things on their own like the big boys they are becoming.  They want to hold a spoon, to eat finger foods, to crawl, pull up on things and whatever else they can figure out to do day by day. 

Abraham (left) and Winston showing off their grins.

 Happy boys.  They squint their eyes when they smile like their mama.

Tried so hard to get them to wear their Charger caps for a pic but

 alas they kept taking them off.

This past month has also really brought about the twin bond that people talk so much about.  The boys have become so much in sync that it can be kind of spooky at times.  It used to be that one baby would sleep longer than the other quite frequently.  These kids seem to always wake up at the same time now.  They take food off of each other's tray even when their own tray has the exact same stuff.  We tickle one baby and the other baby starts laughing.  They seem to feed off of each other's energy so if one is whiny and fussy then the other starts up too.  They "talk" to each other all the time.  They will get absorbed into the same toy and play sweetly together for a prolonged period.  They no longer get frustrated if one takes the other's stuff.  I still discourage it because I want them to understand that they are indeed separate people with rights to their own stuff.  I know it may not last too much longer but for now I will take it. They get into fun little competitions over who can rock their exersaucer the fastest and hardest and which can splash the most water in the bath tub.  In the bath, one baby will touch the other baby's arm and say something and then they proceed to flap their arms in unison getting water everywhere.  They smile at one another and wave hello.  Abraham has mastered saying 'baba' for brother. Winston takes Abraham's arm in his hand and makes Abraham do the same motions he does e.g. tapping their trays on the high chair. I look at their relationship and realize what an immense blessing it is for them to have a constant companion and playmate.  I think about how as twins they will always have a sense of needing to think about another sibling and to share their mama and papa. 
With all that said, I think this month's update has been the hardest to write in some regards because even though the boys are unique, the lines between their personalities have gotten more blurred.  They are in the stage of watching and mimicking their brother so facial expressions, mannerisms and what they figure out to do seem to cross over quite frequently.  They are both social little guys and like going to the store with mama.  They love bath time.  They really enjoy taking walks through the neighborhood.  Taking a walk is a great distraction as well if they are having a grumpy day due to teething or what not.  They are crawling and getting faster all the time.  It is all about containment to make sure they stay safe unless I can move along with them.  I can ask the boys to come to me and they will crawl onto my lap so that I can put them on the nursing pillow.  The boys now roll off the  pillow when they are all done and will often take off crawling.  I now nurse them sitting on the floor just for safety's sake.  They can sit up on their knees and are trying to pull themselves into a standing position.  Abraham is so close to standing.  He can get one foot flat under him and he cannot figure out how to go from a squat to a standing position.  Abraham also does this downward dog looking pose when he tries to stand without anything to grab.  He just cannot push himself all the way up and then gives up. 

I am working on getting the boys off purees.  They still choke easily and of course it scares me.  I gave them tiny cubes of apple the size of my pinkie nail or smaller and they choked. Heck, they choke up when they nurse sometimes still.  I was talking to my mom about it and I guess my brother was the same way.  He had a narrow airway for his age and could not eat any crunchy foods without close supervision until he was 2.5 years old.  For now the boys eat very, very cooked vegetables, raisins, brown rice and bits of whole grain bread on their own.  The main thing is that they are healthy and growing.  I try to make sure they have very balanced diets.  It's a process, right?  They still get quite a few calories from nursing so I am not worried about it.  Their reflux has gotten much, much better. Abraham has seven teeth and Winston has eight teeth.  They just need to learn how to chew with them.  They wear 12-18 month clothing.  They sleep about 11-12 hours a night straight through unless they are sick or cutting a tooth. 

Abraham (left) and Winston love to take baths.

Abraham (left) and Winston had some help standing up here.

Abraham (still on the left, kind of happened that way this month) and Winston.

Abraham is still my scrappy little guy.  Both boys are complete wiggle worms but Abraham has to have his legs going all the time.  This can make diaper changes a challenge but it is something we are working on--a time to wiggle and a time to sit still.  He has not been giving hugs as much which makes this mama sad but his latest thing is giving pats.  You know how it seems like second nature to hold a baby and pat their back?  Abraham caught on and I think that he thinks that is what should be done.  When someone is holding him he will pat their shoulder. It is funniest and sweetest thing.  He is still my more vocal little guy and is constantly trying to mimic tones and words.  He has mastered waving and say 'hi.'  As mentioned before he knows that Winston is 'baba.'  The boys do not usually use mama or 'dada' unless they need something or they are having some separation anxiety.  I see that Abraham understands a lot more than he can say.  He will giggle and smile when he understands something like the word or sign for milk or when I say we are going for a car ride.

Abraham

Winston is becoming more affectionate which I of course adore.  He will lay his head on my shoulder and cuddle with me.  He used to be too busy for prolonged snuggles.  Winston was the first one crawling and he definitely has it mastered.  He will be out of a room and at the other end of the house in the blink of an eye.  He loves clapping.  He loves to happy shriek.  He smiles and shakes his head when he "talks."  He is a hands on guy and wants to touch whatever is in front of him.  We can try to read him books but he wants to touch the book instead.  Winston had a rough go cutting his two front teeth but now he has four pearly whites on top that he can flash. Winston does great with table foods and feeding himself.  He likes to touch faces.  I think it is a sign of affection for him even when it comes out like slaps.  Again, working on what gentle means.  He is such a boy and everything gets pounded, banged and slapped.  Along with his happy shriek, this can mean there is some serious noise coming from him. 

Look at Winston's choppers!

I did not mean to write a novel this month but that is what happens when I never get a chance to finish and I keep adding to my draft.  Well, I got a first birthday party plan.  I better get busy!

Choosing Joy

The days go by so quickly now.  It's a blur of diaper changes, meal times, kitchen clean up, trying to accomplish household tasks and striving for more sleep.  The last several weeks in our house presented the boys coming down with their first respiratory and ear infections.  After a course of antibiotics, they looked and acted like they felt so much better. I was fighting the virus off at the same time.  Sickness and the seemingly ever present teething baby has meant interrupted nights. I felt like it was back to the days of having newborns when I saw every hour on the clock. Eric was gone for almost two weeks straight on a business trip.  My whole being felt weary in the morning as I tried to drag myself out of bed.  Blogging required energy and of which I had none. 

This is not a grumbling post however.  The Lord has been faithful in giving me encouragement in my day to day tasks whether it is from a bit of Scripture popping into mind, a book I am reading or sweet moments with my family. A couple Sundays ago our sermon was on how a complaining and grumbling spirit tells the world that the gospel is a lie.  If we have the hope of heaven how can we grumble about life's everyday "frustrations"?  The gospel itself puts all things into their proper context.  Life is hard because we are sinners in a fallen world but there is still so much goodness within to be thankful for.  Thankfulness and joy can be a choice. I have been thinking on this choice and grateful for the moments God gives me to buoy my spirit and keep me marching on.  In the big picture I have seen:

 

Abraham and Winston learning to wave and to say hi.  The look of pride on their face when they know they have used it in the proper context is priceless.

Baby boys proudly clapping his hands when you ask them to do so.

Brothers playing nicely together, laughing together and genuinely enjoying one another. 

Baby boys beaming when they see and hear their papa over the iPhone on Facetime. 

Winston gently touching Abraham's face and Abraham reciprocating by giving Winston

a hug (more like a head grab) during a 3 a.m. feeding during their yucky sickness time. 

Asking the boys, "Where's brother?" and having them smile when they see one another. 

 Abraham calling Winston 'baba.'

Baby boys figuring out they can delay nap time by having happy shriek contests and

 "conversations" with one another across their cribs.

Baby boys mastering the pincer grasp and wanting to be more independent

and feed themselves more finger foods. 

'Mum-mum-mums' coming over the baby monitor to let me know they are

 done with their nap. 

Baby boys learning more self-control and to listen when mom is telling them

something they need to do (or not do).

Smart boys figuring out to say 'da-da' when they do not like what mom is doing e.g. wiping their faces after a meal.  Now mind you, the part that brings me joy is that they understand that their papa is there for them as well and not that they are trying to get out of the thing they do not like. 

Boys learning to crawl faster and faster and pull up on things.  Their curiousity and

constant discovery of the world is amazing. 

The boys sleeping through the night again (for the most part) and waking up

 in happy moods. 

 

 Abraham snuggled up with Papa and ready for bed.

Winston is figuring out to take away things too.

My baby boys are not going to be babies for too much longer.  I am trying to savor and absorb these little moments I get to have with them.  Next month I am going to have toddlers.  Everyone says it goes by fast and it does.  I am loving where we are right now.  It does not mean that the day to day is easy but there is so much joy mixed in. 

 

The Big 3-0

I am thirty years old now.

Yesterday I entered a new decade. I pretty much reconciled this birthday last year already with turning twenty-nine and the impending arrival of our babies.  My twenty-ninth year was an amazing year of personal and spiritual growth. Giving birth to twins will tend to do that to someone.  I have grown (and continually grow) in patience and self-control.  There is nothing like looking at two cranky babies and realizing that how I react will be a lesson to them in how to behave. 

This is what my life at thirty looks like:

The day to day activities in my life are by no means glamorous but my life is spectacular nonetheless. I am married to the love of my life. We have two vibrant and beautiful children. We have a home together--a place of messes and meals where we can nurture our family. I am part of a church that has become family and where I get to hear the Word of God faithfully preached. I have friends and family in my life that love me.  I want for nothing physically and I am more privileged than the majority of the people in the world.  I am supremely blessed.

Over the weekend I got to have an awesome date night with my husband and a dinner party with Eric's family (where the lovely pics came from).  On my actual birthday however it was an ordinary day.  Well, the boys actually had a not so good day.  I am not sure if they are fighting a cold or if it is just new teeth trying to come in again.  Somehow the day seemed very apropos though because being a wife and mother is indeed my calling.  I got to celebrate by cherishing what I have despite those outbursts by A&W mixed in. 

My youth as categorized by society may be fading or some may even say it is gone but I think I am just entering my prime.  I have a lot to look forward to so I am greeting my thirties with a smile.