Wednesday, August 31, 2011

One of Those Weeks

There are some weeks where life seems to cruise along and you’re in the rhythm of things. You get into a routine, you know what needs to get done and you get out there and conquer it. Then there are weeks like this one…yeah, one of those. The type of week where every little thing gets more complicated than it should, you get kind of grumpy and the worst part—you’re not sure what the actual problem is or how to fix it. The last couple days I have been struggling to find my joy amidst the everyday frustrations of life. Stuff that normally does not bother me has gotten me irritated. The kid that peed on me right after I had changed the outfit he spit up on? Eh, no big deal. Kids do that. But this week it was wearing me down.

I think I am over the hump today. Perfect being that it’s Hump Day.

Satan is smart. He knows when we are in a good place. He knows when we are happy, grateful and growing in our faith. He waits for us to let our guard down and then he moves in. He wants us to curse our blessings and only focus on the “bad” stuff in our lives. Our sin skews our perception of what an actual problem is and, trust me, I am the queen of this. I get very much into control and lose sight of what matters at times. For example, my house is never going to be as organized and clean as I want it to be until A&W are actually able to start contributing with chores. But God is not going to love me more if I have an immaculate home; rather He wants me to put aside how that goal becomes idolatrous at times.

So I am going to focus on my blessings which I find is always the best way to get out of these types of funks. And I have two amazing blessings in my little boys:



Winston's wide eyed looks.



Abraham and one of his little grins.

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Sunday, August 28, 2011

It's Starting Already!

No doubt that MoMs have to be creative at times to take care of multiple babies at the same time. When I am home alone and need to give the babies a bath, I move the playmat into the hallway so that I can see one baby playing while I give the other baby a bath. The other night I bathed Winston and laid him on the playmat and proceeded to give Abraham his bath. From the bathroom and the boys' nursery, I can see the common area of the hallway. I was putting Abraham's pajamas on and turned to look at Winston. My heart skipped a beat because there was no baby in view on the playmat. I dashed through the doorway and Winston was laying in the doorway of our master bedroom.



I could tell that the little man was proud of himself. He was giving me a smile when I asked how he got so far from his playmat. I am envisioning two little guys crawling and walking and trying to keep up with the two of them. It's only going to get busier!

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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Too Much, Too Fast and So Precious

I have said it and I will say it again: time is going by much too fast. If I ponder how much the boys have changed and grown since they were born and how they will continue to do so, I get sad. I now understand why women get antsy to have another baby shortly after giving birth. Now, I am not saying I am going to do that but I think I get it. Whereas I used to think women that had kids spaced close together (two years or less) were nuts, I can totally empathize now with the desire to do so. There is a preciousness to a new baby that is so beautiful and fleeting.

I wish I could somehow contain time, create a barrier not allowing it to progress or bottle that preciousness up. The boys are in that stage where they are discovering the world. They are looking beyond just their little circle of influence to watch how trees move in the wind, grab at objects that they are curious about and purposefully make sounds that they know will get a reaction from those around them. It makes me appreciate the world through their perspective. I wonder anew at all the things I am rediscovering through my boys.

I sit here and am trying to figure out how the boys got to be almost six months old. I seriously feel like I missed the first three months of their life. Those newborn months were a blur of feedings, diaper changes and laundry with a little sleep mixed in. If I did not have the pictures, I could not imagine them being newborns. Those videos and pictures of them as newborns are so important then to me for that reason.

So what I am trying to articulate is my desire to live with intent, focusing on my here and now and soaking all the little moments up. I have always struggled with contentment within a lot of areas. The problem with discontent is that one is always looking to the next big thing--teenagers look forward to college and freedom, singles look forward to marriage and the married couple looks forward to children--rather than enjoying the stage they are already in. Right now I am so happy to be focused on the desires that have been fleshed out in my life, my precious Abraham and Winston. I am not feeling the need to look constantly forward because my present is that wonderful. There might be other babies in the future within the Guddat household but the reality is that A&W are my babies now. I don't want to miss anything or take anything for granted. Being a working MoM is tough but I also see the blessing behind it. Maybe God in His infinite wisdom knew that I needed to work in order not to take this time with my sons for granted, to not feel burnt out with inevitable mundaneness of everyday activities. I try so hard to give A&W my best within their waking moments with me.  This working mom situation is not what I had envisioned but God saw fit to make it that way and I am learning contentment in that situation as well.  So I study their blue eyes and the dimples in their hands and try to make mental pictures that will be carried with me throughout the years.  I am seeking to cherish all the little moments that make up our lives as a whole. 

*************************************************************************

And because blogs are always more interesting with photos, I thought I would share a follow up to my previous post.  After getting the cell phone pic, I ran down the hall to get our DSLR so I could get a better quality photo.  The boys woke up, of course, but their little expressions here are just priceless to me.

 Sleepy Winston cups Abraham's face
 
My boys are so sweet and precious.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Random Friday

So this week:

-Eric has been out of town the last couple of days for his brother's bachelor party. He organized a camping and fishing trip for Adam and his buddies. I am really happy he had a chance to spend guy time but I am looking forward to having him home tomorrow.
-My dad, stepmom and grandma are visiting and helping with the boys. It's nice knowing the boys are getting quality time with their grandparents and great grandma while I am at work.
-Summer is almost over. Boo. Summer used to mean swimming pools, sleeping in, leisure time and less responsibility. Those days ended once I was no longer a student. I look forward to just taking a vacation during the summer time again someday (hopefully).
-With the upcoming wedding, planning for house guests as well as normal work schedules, there is not going to be a boring moment around here for a while.
-Abraham now makes this little popping sound by pursing and then opening his lips. Sooo cute.
-The boys seem to be noticing each other more. This morning after nursing them, Abraham instinctively turned and cuddled up with Winston. My heart melted. I was able to get a quick pic with my phone:



Hope you all have a Happy Friday!

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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Selective Reduction of Twins: A Personal Response to the NYT Article


The recent New York Times’ article “The Two-Minus-One Pregnancy” by Ruth Padawer covers the increasing frequency of women undergoing selective reduction from a twin pregnancy to a singleton pregnancy after utilizing fertility treatments to conceive. This is not a complete argument and rebuttal against selective reduction or abortion because the ridiculousness of a woman terminating a pregnancy after purposefully and knowingly undergoing fertility treatments that increase her chance of having multiples I believe speaks for itself; rather I am speaking from a personal place and a more visceral response.

It has been less than a year since a routine ultrasound at approximately eleven weeks into my pregnancy revealed two tiny babies in my uterus. My husband Eric and I were astounded to see and hear two little heartbeats and see four sets of limbs moving back and forth. We understand the fear, uncertainty and anxiety that come with finding out that one is having twins. However, I cannot comprehend the selfishness that it takes to abort one of your own children, and not the other, in order to maintain desired financial and social comfort. The NYT article is not talking about terminating a pregnancy due to failed contraception, birth defects and cases of incest and rape—the mainstays we hear about in the abortion debate. We are talking about women killing babies they tried very purposefully to conceive.

The problem with pro-choice rhetoric is that “choice” is supposed to leave us with more freedom but instead burdens us with increasing ethical dilemmas of making said choices. A bioethicist named Josephine Johnston, whose focus is assisted reproduction at the Hastings Center in Garrison, N.Y., is quoted in the article as saying, “In an odd way, having more choices actually places a much greater burden on women, because we become the creators of our circumstance, whereas, before, we were the recipients of them. I’m not saying we should have less choices; I’m saying choices are not always as liberating and empowering as we hope they will be.” I think it is common grace that so many people claiming to espouse pro-choice views are expressing discomfort with and actively debating this topic. The article addresses the guilt that the parents feel in choosing to terminate one of their unborn twin babies and the need to conceal their decision from family and friends. I think that the guilt and subsequent concealment of their action speaks volumes as to how repugnant selective reduction is; these people are working to silence the screams of their consciences. To abort one’s child is simply wrong and I believe a grave sin tantamount to murder.

My twin boys are only five months old. I am often asked how their little personalities are already different. There are nuances in their behavior, different preferences and so forth but at this stage they are largely alike; they’re babies after all. Yet they are loved equally, wholly and independently of each other. I cannot imagine one of my sons without the other. Since I saw them on that ultrasound screen I have loved them despite any fear I may have had. I cannot imagine a mother determining that one twin’s life was more valuable than the other and choosing to end that other child’s life. I cannot adequately explain the joy and wonder in looking down while nursing and seeing two little sets of blue eyes locked in on mine, my babies’ hands intertwined or touching one another’s faces. How could I explain that all the worries that I could have a favorite twin or that I wouldn’t have enough love to go around completely dissipated after I gave birth? God has also more than provided for these babies’ needs; they lack nothing. How then could those parents who use IVF to conceive twins be so far removed from seeing those twins as a blessing? Instead they actually see two babies as a burden and decide to kill one. In the womb where they should be safe and nourished, where they represent innocence and are entirely equal in their countenance, a parent or doctor decides to inject one of their hearts with potassium chloride until it stops beating—in a word, horrifying.

The reality is that the parents acting in such a selfish and heinous way have a lifetime to process their decision. Every time their remaining child reaches a milestone, that parent will have to wonder about the twin that could have been, that was, the child whose life they extinguished. What about these children that are missing their twin? How will they react to discovering that mom and dad chose to abort their twin rather than them due to perceived convenience, a preferred gender or just pure chance (in the case of identical twins)?

It also stands to reason that if decisions such as these are the result of “choice,” then what else will I see happening in the name of reproductive rights in my lifetime? Babies are already aborted in certain parts of the world because they are the wrong gender causing an unnatural ratio of men to women. If aborting a healthy twin is also okay, then is it alright to abort a baby because genetic testing reveals they do not have the preferred color eyes, hair or skin? I don’t think asking that is extreme. We are allowing people to take embryos, human lives, created in a petri dish and transferred into what should be the sanctity of the womb, then reverting and destroying it.

I asked my husband for his thoughts on the article and added a disclaimer that it might make him upset if he read it. His blunt response was as follows: “I have no need to read the article. I find it asinine that people in our society are so desperate to have children they pay a doctor [thousands of dollars] to become pregnant. Then by God’s grace and His blessing He gives them two children, but because of their fear, selfish desires, it does not fit into their plan, etc. (all pathetic excuses for rationalizing killing a baby), they spend more money and kill one of them so their plans are met.”

Everyday Eric and I comment at how blessed we are to have our twin boys. Would life be easier if we had only one baby? Yes. But would it be better? No. We would not have double the joy, double the smiles, double the coos and double the chubby cheeks to kiss. I get so excited thinking about the near future when we will have two little boys running around, giggling and playing with one another. While I feel indignation at those people that choose to abort one of their babies, ultimately I feel sad for them. I grieve for them. One has to be calloused and suppress a fear of God (or be godless save their own self-worship) to make such a decision. Not only will they miss the presence of their little one, the blood of that baby is on their hands; God will be their judge.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Three Years...

Three years ago today, I entered into the covenant of marriage with my best friend. Before God and our witnesses, we vowed to walk along side each other in this life until death should part us.

If our marriage was a child, we would still be in the toddler stage. And a new marriage really is a lot like a new baby, rapid development and growth coupled with a constant maturation process. We have done a lot of growing in the last three years as we have come to understand what oneness really means. The rough edges continuously get worn down and our individual lives continuously meld. The starry eyed love is still here but it has a new richness, one that comes from living through both happiness and hardship together. On Saturday night, we had our first outing with just the two of us since A&W came into our lives. Some dear friends offered to watch the boys and we had a nice dinner and watched a movie. It was an activity that we did quite regularly before becoming parents. This time it felt odd and somewhat new. We had each other's undivided attention and got to reflect on all that had happened in the last year. We have two beautiful children and a home to live in. We commented how spending time with our children has become our new passion; getting in the car together to go somewhere without them felt weird. The greatest gift we can ever give our children however is the knowledge that their father and mother love one another, that they are committed to one another and committed to them. So it was nice getting to spend time remembering that our primary human relationship within this life is with each other; man and wife cleaving unto one another.

The pic is our traditional "we are going somewhere" self-portrait from our date night:



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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Five Months!

Our little peanuts are five months old already. Where is the time going? We are so proud of our little men and how much stuff they have learned in the last month.  They are becoming their own little people and it is so much fun watching them discovering the world.  I feel like we are finally getting into a routine.  Life feels more normal again, our new normal that is. 

Winston ready for bed

Abraham ready for bed

The boys are sleeping a lot better which I posted about earlier. They are beginning to both sleep through the night and are taking good naps. They took to their cribs right away and love their mobiles. We put them in their cribs and they kick their little legs with excitement waiting to hear their lullaby. They are still lightly swaddled but introducing them to their cribs has brought the ability to roll over.  Winston likes to sleep on his tummy now and Abraham does quite often as well.  I still worry about SIDS but we have the Angel Care monitors and that helps alleviate (some of) the anxiety. 

The boys enjoy sitting in their Bumbos, rolling all around and pushing up on their legs into a standing position.  They also like "dancing" to the happy little song that their play gym/play mat plays.  They are starting to giggle and they smile lots and lots.  They like taking walks with mama in their stroller.  I have refrained from researching a lot of baby development milestones because I don't want to worry unnecessarily.  I feel like they are right where they should be and their pediatrician has been happy.  I just feel unbelievably grateful that we have two healthy little boys. 


 They are either content to be next to each other or one of them is crying
because he keeps getting grabbed by his brother

 Papa and his boys. Abraham (left) and Winston


Winston shows off his standing skills.

In order to get dinner on the table, we employ the boys' help in the kitchen.

Self-portrait of mama and Abraham

Happy Winston (left) and Abraham

Brothers

The boys have been filling out and have the cutest little dimples on their hands and rolls on their legs.  They have not moved up in clothes but we did transition to size 3 diapers.  The size 2's were getting a little snug.  Their hair is growing back in and they have a fuzzy looking crew cut with long strands of their original hair. With gaining more hair, they are losing that little old man with a comb over look that they had going on.  Their eyes have stayed blue and have gotten lighter and more brilliant (yay for recessive genes!).   

Look at what we can do.

Look at how their little expressions flip flop.

And when they get tired they touch each other's faces.

The boys have discovered their papa and how much fun he is.  They smile and watch for him when he walks into the room.  They reach for his beard and like to feel the texture.  Eric is equally enamored and loves to get on the floor and talk to them.  We are still breastfeeding and the boys now recognize the blue nursing pillow which we affectionately call "The Magical Pillow That Feeds." The boys are taking rice cereal in their bottles and are still being supplemented with formula.  Abraham and Winston are starting to cuddle and put their little arms (somewhat) around our necks.  Basically we are just falling more and more in love with these boys. 

When we put the boys down for the night and when we are greeted by their little smiles in the morning, we often remark at how blessed we are.  We have been given an unbelievable gift in parenting these two little boys.  Everyday it just gets better.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Boys Did It!

Last night Abraham and Winston went to bed at 8:45 pm and did not wake up until 6:15 am. Wow! When the alarm went off this morning, it was weird/sad/wonderful realizing that I had not been up with either one of them.

Still feel tired though. We are so used to waking up that we both kept...waking up. Now Eric and I need to train ourselves to go to bed before 10:30 or 11:00. :-)


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Saturday, August 6, 2011

Sleep Training

In early June I had posted that we had reached a major milestone, sleeping through the night. Abraham had slept through the night multiple times in a row and Winston was beginning to sleep in longer runs, typically 4-5 hours. Then there was major regression in the following weeks and I was really disheartened. The boys were each waking up 2-3 times a night again. I was a zombie and on the verge of a break down. The human body can only be sleep deprived for so long without feeling ill effects. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture. I was not being effective at work and felt so behind on stuff at home. 

But I digress, I became convinced that it was time to put the boys in their nursery and take back our bedroom.  Now, I am glad that we co-slept (the babies sleeping in bassinets close to our bed). I think in general it was good for the whole family. It allowed me to stabilize my milk supply, helped us learn about the boys' personalities and helped us bond with them. The issue is that babies are smart and they know how to get their needs and wants met. Out of exhaustion I was unwittingly rewarding undesirable behavior by bringing the babies into bed and falling asleep while nursing. Winston especially I think became aware that crying meant nursing and getting to be close to mom. Every time I put him back in the bassinet, he would cry and I came to realize he was the one calling the shots. I am learning that while I have a lot of Attachment Parenting (AP) tendencies that I also believe in healthy balance. I believe that child centered parenting can lead to a lot of problems and ultimately it is a parent's responsibility to direct a child, teach them how to develop positive sleep patterns and learn self-control. I was not envisioning a future where I was getting up in the middle of the night with two 9 month olds. Here a lot of true AP parent types will argue that there is a reason that a baby is continuing to wake up in the middle of the night at nine months of age e.g. baby needs the calories and needs to develop trust with their parents. I totally understand that and I think it comes down to each parent understanding their individual child. What may work for one child may not work for another. For our situation, the boys had both demonstrated they could sleep longer periods without needing to get calories in. Both boys have demonstrated good growth.  Furthermore, at this point I think our babies need good sleep for neurological development and physical growth. One reason the newborn stage is so hard is because the baby is getting used to life outside the womb and parents are getting used to them being on the outside as well. Becoming a parent is a huge life change; becoming a parent times two the first time around is intense. I was encouraged that life would get better around twelve weeks and it did. At that point I knew that the boys had the ability to sleep longer periods, now I needed to foster that ability. We were going forward and then we stalled.

I am not the hard core shut the door and come back in 8 hours cry it out (CIO) type but tough love was needed. Just moving the boys into their own room resulted in better sleep for all within days. They did not fuss at all the first time we put them down in there for the night. We would wait several minutes after hearing them cry on the monitor before going in to get them to see if they would fall back asleep on their own.  The feedings drastically dwindled from there.  The results?  Abraham started sleeping from about 8:30 pm to 5:00 am again consistently.  Then Winston slept through the night for the first time last weekend and has continued to do so all week.  He actually slept 12 hours straight last night.  We are completely amazed.  Here's the crazy thing and I know parents of multiples will relate to this...now our formerly good sleeper is the one waking up at night.  Just when you get used to a behavior coming from one baby they change it all around.  I think Abraham and Winston are in collusion in order to prevent us from ever getting decent sleep again.  Abraham has been waking up all week (sigh).  I have no problem with getting up one time a night for a feeding but he is waking up more than that.  We are trying to do our best of feeling out if he really needs that second feeding but at this point I think it's the comfort thing again. We know their cries now and what they mean so I think we may have to extend more tough love. 

I had mentioned that I was thinking about heading into solids since the boys were four months old.  Other than rice cereal in their bottles, we have not progressed in solid foods but just that little addition has seemed to make a big difference.  They stay satiated longer and I think that has really helped as well. 

The wonderful thing about these boys getting more sleep is that their dispositions are so much better during the day.  They wake up happy and are more inclined to take good, long naps.  Winston can now take a 2.5 hour nap in his crib.  Just weeks ago I could not have imagined that happening.  They are so much better about going down for a nap now without any fussing.

So to any new twin parents out there, I know how hard it is when it comes to getting hardly any sleep.  It really does get better, I promise.  I don't have any system or methodology to recommend.  I just started seeing patterns and behaviors and started feeling it out.  I have read enough different perspectives on sleep training to leave me second guessing myself but the here are the main two things: 1. Most pediatricians will recommend sleep training after 4 months which is exactly what we did because the boys were showing signs of being ready. 2. If you have twins you will have to do some form of CIO if you want any chance of getting sleep cycles synchronized before the first year.  While both boys have slept through the night, they have not done so at the same time.  When the day comes that Abraham and Winston sleep eight hours straight at the same time, meaning that Eric and I will be able to also, there will be great rejoicing and celebrating in our household.  And I hope to be able to post that update really soon =-)

Friday, August 5, 2011

Becoming Mobile

As previously mentioned, the boys had been rolling onto their sides but decided that was enough. In the last two weeks, Winston started rolling from back to tummy. At first he got mad because his face was on the floor but now he pushes himself up like a pro. He flips back and forth without a problem. Abraham is also quickly catching onto the trend. He still gets mad if his face is on the floor and can have an interesting way of dealing with it. He will just keep rolling until he is happy with his position. On Sunday evening, Eric was in the kitchen and heard grunting coming from Abraham. He looked to find Abraham had rolled off the playmat and had continued to roll all the way to where the carpet and linoleum meet, about seven feet. These kids crack us up. They change so quickly and definitely keep us on our toes.



Abraham practices pushing himself up. Just because he does it, does not mean he has to like it :-)

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Thursday, August 4, 2011

I May Be Old Fashioned...

As I get older, I realize I am retaining some of the old fashioned values I grew up with. Stuff I never cared about matters a lot now that I have a few years of marriage under my belt and have experienced motherhood. I am not exceptionally conservative but these are the trends in social etiquette, particularly with name usage, that leave me a bit peeved:

-If a woman is out and about with two small babies and her wedding ring on, it is not polite to call her 'miss.' It infers something I don't appreciate. For me, words still have a deep connotation and by calling me 'miss' you are implying I am an unwed mother. The term 'ms.' is there if one is unsure. I get that the term miss can be a back handed compliment to say that someone looks young...but not when I am out with my kiddos.
-If I am in the store and I encounter a cashier that refers to me by my first name it really bugs me. Just because you can read my name on my debit card does not mean I know you in a familiar way. I don't know you so don't talk to me as if you do. I have no problem with people utilizing my last name and saying 'Ms. Guddat' but I am not your buddy so using my first name purports a false intimacy.
-I don't like when kids automatically assume they can call me by my first name. Out of respect please call me Mrs. Guddat, Miss Joleen, or something that connotes I am viewed with respect. If the 'kid' in question is a teenager I normally tell them to just call me Joleen anyways but I appreciate parents that teach their children the basic sentiment to ask whether it is okay.

So am I a total old-fashioned codger at the age of 29? Does this type of stuff bug you? What are your pet peeves?


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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Bibs

We use bibs in our house a lot lately. The boys are drooling a lot and chewing on anything they can. This is teething, right? They chew on their own hands, their brother's hands and mama and papa's hands. Poor little guys. I just feel bad that it goes on for so long. We have been using a rotation of acetaminophen and ibuprofen and it seems to help. Overall they have remained happy little guys. I think they are coming out of it for at least a little while. Their noses are clearing up and we have not had to give them as much pain reliever. Anyone have any experience with Baltic amber teething jewelry? I am kind of curious. All that to say that I love their little character bibs and how they can match their little personalities.


Winston's mommy loves him.



Abraham is handsome like daddy.



Winston is definitely one of the stars :-)



Abraham's smile can turn it into a party.

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