Sleep Training

In early June I had posted that we had reached a major milestone, sleeping through the night. Abraham had slept through the night multiple times in a row and Winston was beginning to sleep in longer runs, typically 4-5 hours. Then there was major regression in the following weeks and I was really disheartened. The boys were each waking up 2-3 times a night again. I was a zombie and on the verge of a break down. The human body can only be sleep deprived for so long without feeling ill effects. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture. I was not being effective at work and felt so behind on stuff at home. 

But I digress, I became convinced that it was time to put the boys in their nursery and take back our bedroom.  Now, I am glad that we co-slept (the babies sleeping in bassinets close to our bed). I think in general it was good for the whole family. It allowed me to stabilize my milk supply, helped us learn about the boys' personalities and helped us bond with them. The issue is that babies are smart and they know how to get their needs and wants met. Out of exhaustion I was unwittingly rewarding undesirable behavior by bringing the babies into bed and falling asleep while nursing. Winston especially I think became aware that crying meant nursing and getting to be close to mom. Every time I put him back in the bassinet, he would cry and I came to realize he was the one calling the shots. I am learning that while I have a lot of Attachment Parenting (AP) tendencies that I also believe in healthy balance. I believe that child centered parenting can lead to a lot of problems and ultimately it is a parent's responsibility to direct a child, teach them how to develop positive sleep patterns and learn self-control. I was not envisioning a future where I was getting up in the middle of the night with two 9 month olds. Here a lot of true AP parent types will argue that there is a reason that a baby is continuing to wake up in the middle of the night at nine months of age e.g. baby needs the calories and needs to develop trust with their parents. I totally understand that and I think it comes down to each parent understanding their individual child. What may work for one child may not work for another. For our situation, the boys had both demonstrated they could sleep longer periods without needing to get calories in. Both boys have demonstrated good growth.  Furthermore, at this point I think our babies need good sleep for neurological development and physical growth. One reason the newborn stage is so hard is because the baby is getting used to life outside the womb and parents are getting used to them being on the outside as well. Becoming a parent is a huge life change; becoming a parent times two the first time around is intense. I was encouraged that life would get better around twelve weeks and it did. At that point I knew that the boys had the ability to sleep longer periods, now I needed to foster that ability. We were going forward and then we stalled.

I am not the hard core shut the door and come back in 8 hours cry it out (CIO) type but tough love was needed. Just moving the boys into their own room resulted in better sleep for all within days. They did not fuss at all the first time we put them down in there for the night. We would wait several minutes after hearing them cry on the monitor before going in to get them to see if they would fall back asleep on their own.  The feedings drastically dwindled from there.  The results?  Abraham started sleeping from about 8:30 pm to 5:00 am again consistently.  Then Winston slept through the night for the first time last weekend and has continued to do so all week.  He actually slept 12 hours straight last night.  We are completely amazed.  Here's the crazy thing and I know parents of multiples will relate to this...now our formerly good sleeper is the one waking up at night.  Just when you get used to a behavior coming from one baby they change it all around.  I think Abraham and Winston are in collusion in order to prevent us from ever getting decent sleep again.  Abraham has been waking up all week (sigh).  I have no problem with getting up one time a night for a feeding but he is waking up more than that.  We are trying to do our best of feeling out if he really needs that second feeding but at this point I think it's the comfort thing again. We know their cries now and what they mean so I think we may have to extend more tough love. 

I had mentioned that I was thinking about heading into solids since the boys were four months old.  Other than rice cereal in their bottles, we have not progressed in solid foods but just that little addition has seemed to make a big difference.  They stay satiated longer and I think that has really helped as well. 

The wonderful thing about these boys getting more sleep is that their dispositions are so much better during the day.  They wake up happy and are more inclined to take good, long naps.  Winston can now take a 2.5 hour nap in his crib.  Just weeks ago I could not have imagined that happening.  They are so much better about going down for a nap now without any fussing.

So to any new twin parents out there, I know how hard it is when it comes to getting hardly any sleep.  It really does get better, I promise.  I don't have any system or methodology to recommend.  I just started seeing patterns and behaviors and started feeling it out.  I have read enough different perspectives on sleep training to leave me second guessing myself but the here are the main two things: 1. Most pediatricians will recommend sleep training after 4 months which is exactly what we did because the boys were showing signs of being ready. 2. If you have twins you will have to do some form of CIO if you want any chance of getting sleep cycles synchronized before the first year.  While both boys have slept through the night, they have not done so at the same time.  When the day comes that Abraham and Winston sleep eight hours straight at the same time, meaning that Eric and I will be able to also, there will be great rejoicing and celebrating in our household.  And I hope to be able to post that update really soon =-)