Too Much, Too Fast and So Precious

I have said it and I will say it again: time is going by much too fast. If I ponder how much the boys have changed and grown since they were born and how they will continue to do so, I get sad. I now understand why women get antsy to have another baby shortly after giving birth. Now, I am not saying I am going to do that but I think I get it. Whereas I used to think women that had kids spaced close together (two years or less) were nuts, I can totally empathize now with the desire to do so. There is a preciousness to a new baby that is so beautiful and fleeting.

I wish I could somehow contain time, create a barrier not allowing it to progress or bottle that preciousness up. The boys are in that stage where they are discovering the world. They are looking beyond just their little circle of influence to watch how trees move in the wind, grab at objects that they are curious about and purposefully make sounds that they know will get a reaction from those around them. It makes me appreciate the world through their perspective. I wonder anew at all the things I am rediscovering through my boys.

I sit here and am trying to figure out how the boys got to be almost six months old. I seriously feel like I missed the first three months of their life. Those newborn months were a blur of feedings, diaper changes and laundry with a little sleep mixed in. If I did not have the pictures, I could not imagine them being newborns. Those videos and pictures of them as newborns are so important then to me for that reason.

So what I am trying to articulate is my desire to live with intent, focusing on my here and now and soaking all the little moments up. I have always struggled with contentment within a lot of areas. The problem with discontent is that one is always looking to the next big thing--teenagers look forward to college and freedom, singles look forward to marriage and the married couple looks forward to children--rather than enjoying the stage they are already in. Right now I am so happy to be focused on the desires that have been fleshed out in my life, my precious Abraham and Winston. I am not feeling the need to look constantly forward because my present is that wonderful. There might be other babies in the future within the Guddat household but the reality is that A&W are my babies now. I don't want to miss anything or take anything for granted. Being a working MoM is tough but I also see the blessing behind it. Maybe God in His infinite wisdom knew that I needed to work in order not to take this time with my sons for granted, to not feel burnt out with inevitable mundaneness of everyday activities. I try so hard to give A&W my best within their waking moments with me.  This working mom situation is not what I had envisioned but God saw fit to make it that way and I am learning contentment in that situation as well.  So I study their blue eyes and the dimples in their hands and try to make mental pictures that will be carried with me throughout the years.  I am seeking to cherish all the little moments that make up our lives as a whole. 

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And because blogs are always more interesting with photos, I thought I would share a follow up to my previous post.  After getting the cell phone pic, I ran down the hall to get our DSLR so I could get a better quality photo.  The boys woke up, of course, but their little expressions here are just priceless to me.

 Sleepy Winston cups Abraham's face

 

My boys are so sweet and precious.