Pediatric Opthamologist and Cousins

Today we took the boys to Reno for a pediatric opthamologist appointment because we had noticed that Winston's left eye would stay dilated when looking at light. We knew that dilation was not a voluntary muscle coordination movement and knew it could be serious. Of course from the times we observed his eye doing this until his appointment, it did not happen anymore. The doc was great with him and I am glad there are doctors that specialize in such things. He said that there was lack of coordination with his left eye, it moves inward and his lid droops more but could detect nothing wrong structurally that would indicate a long term problem. We will go back in 2 months for a check up during which the doctor seemed pretty confident it would be self-resolved. We were glad to hear that and glad to have erred on the side of caution.

We rarely make the drive up to Reno so we wanted to take advantage and visit with Eric's cousin Amy and her new baby Lorelai. Unfortunately we did not get to see Amy's husband Jon but it was a nice visit nonetheless. Eric and I had so much fun growing up and playing with cousins and extended family. We have a strong desire for our kids to have the same thing. It's a lot of fun to be entering this stage of life, raising our young families, with Amy and Jon. Lorelai was born 12 days after our boys; Amy went 40+ weeks and I went 37 weeks. We joked that we were going to be in the hospital at the same time. Lorelai is so tall looking for a baby and very girly looking. I realize my burping and squirmy babies are all boy compared to little Lorelai. As I had mentioned before, we named our boys after their paternal great grandfathers. Winston Carol is Grandpa Guddat's namesake. Grandpa Guddat passed away this last July. Amy knew she was pregnant and I had an inkling that I was. We were sad knowing that we could not tell Eric's grandpa the happy news but grateful that Grandma Guddat had so much to look forward to in 2011 despite her grief. She gained her three great grandchildren in less than 2 weeks!

So here's to Grandma Guddat, your grandchildren and great grandchildren:

Amy and Abraham (Winston was sleeping)

Eric and Lorelai

Little babes lined up in a row.

Abraham, Winston and Lorelai

Memorial Day Musings and Teething?

I was so excited to have a three day weekend and spend some quality time with the boys. On Saturday, Eric and I had our first date since the boys were born. We went out with Eric's brother Adam and his girlfriend Alisha. Little did Alisha know that Adam was proposing that night. Eric and I got to serve as photographers for the special occasion. The proposal involved scenic Lake Tahoe and falling snow--cold yet very romantic. I will have to do a full post about it later but I can say we are very exciting about Alisha being added to our family.

On Sunday we had church and were motivated that afternoon to clean the house because we had invited company over. Our friends Matt and Jolene and their kiddos came over. Their little girl Gracie was born the week before our boys were so we had fun trading stories and taking photos of the babies.

I was excited about having the extra day today with our boys and spending time together as a family. We did spend lots of time together but not in the way I was hoping. The boys have started teething. Crazy, right? Last weekend when I was nursing Winston it really hurt (he still has a crummy latch at times) so I checked his gums and saw a little white dot in the center of his bottom arch. It felt hard when I rubbed my finger across it. Now Abraham has the same dot. They have been drooling more in the last week and today it got really bad. To say they were fussy all day is an understatement. They cried on and off and we felt like there was nothing we could do. Teething rings are too big for their mouth still and they don't have the dexterity to hold then. They tried chewing their pacifiers but they fall out then unless they are held by Eric or me. I finally broke down and gave them some baby acetaminophen. We gave them a long bath and they finally konked out. Silence.

Listening to crying babies all day was brutal. Earlier today I needed a break and had to dosomething. I took a walk with the boys and enjoyed the sunshine. They slept for a little bit and the last mile was them crying again. It felt good to get some exercise at least. It was a hard day because I wanted to fix the problem and I couldn't. I felt sick knowing they were in pain. To go from tummy issues straight into teething has been brutal.

We missed our church's Memorial Day picnic so there was no formal activities for us but I am very grateful when I think about the service men that have paid the ultimate price for our freedom. I am thankful that we can raise our children according to our conscience; that they will know so many liberties.

The view of the mountains from our neighborhood.

A brief respite; Winston falls asleep.

Abraham learning that he can punch the toy and that it makes sound. You can see drool on his chin.

A brief calm moment. Abraham (left) and Winston.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Blogger Without a Computer

So I don't have a functional PC right now. The hard drive on my laptop went kaput the week the boys were born. Great timing, huh? It has made it hard to do the posts I would like to do. Buying a new computer is not in the budget right now. The good news is that I can blog via my iPhone. The posts will be more brief but at least I can get some updates in.

So for some photo fun:






My parents saved lots of my childhood toys. I recently pulled some out so that our babysitter's son could have some things to play with at our house. I am loving the vintage look of them. Wow, I am dating myself with that last statement.







I have some very smiley boys these days. It's awesome! This is Abraham showing off his gummy grin.





The boys love playing on the floor lately. Just watching them kick their little legs and punch their little arms makes me tired. Now we need to find them an activity mat/baby gym so that they can work on their eye hand coordination.

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Working Mama

So I have gone back to work within the last couple of weeks.  I was hoping to have stretched out my leave a bit longer by working at home but I learned that there is no productivity with caring for two newborns.  I am grateful that I got two months with the boys before I had to go back.  Thinking about going back to work was really hard.  Tears were shed on numerous occasions because I felt that I just couldn't it--be a loving mother and a decent employee all at the same time.  I prayed.  I prayed really hard.  I asked God to take my burden away.  And I believe my prayers were answered but not in the way I was expecting.  I wanted God to make a miracle happen in which all our finances came into place and I could stay at home.  Instead what God has done is even more amazing in some regards.  He has made it so that trying to be a good mother and working at the same time does not feel like a burden. 

Before the boys were born, I had started a blog post regarding the fear and anxiety I felt at the prospect of going back to work after the boys were born.  I never posted it because I felt like it was negative and I did not want my blog to be a forum to complain.  In reading it again, I realize it was me just being honest.  Some of the things I confessed are still worries on my mind but I am so thankful to see the progress I have made.  The following is what I wrote:

"I have been spending a lot more time in the blogosphere as of late trying to figure out how all these other parents of multiples seem to do it all.  I seem to find an overwhelming amount of stay at home moms or parents that can afford nannies while the mom works.  I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom.  I want nothing more than to see every little milestone as opposed to trying to earn a living but we depend on my income.  That income however is not enough to hire a full time nanny which is much more ideal than day care. I get really anxious and emotional when I think about having to leave my babies shortly after they are born. This is when the bad thoughts come in.  I wonder why God in His timing would allow us to have these babies now when we cannot afford to live off one income.  I find the biggest thing that helps is focusing on gratitude and thankfulness. So I force myself to think about:

• The fact that through both of us working we have more than enough to live off of.  We know that we can provide for these babies and that is a huge blessing. 
• We live in a house that is plenty big enough for these two little additions.
• We have health insurance to cover this pregnancy and delivery.  That is one less stress we have and not something to take lightly.
• Our family is ecstatic about these baby boys.  They are going to be so loved (and are very much loved already).
• We have a supportive network of family and friends that want us to succeed in this parenthood adventure.  I am confident that there will be help and encouragement along every step of the way.  
• My husband- my biggest fan and encourager.  When I start feeling overwhelmed, he is the one telling me that he knows we can do this.
• I am pregnant with twins which is a testimony to God's will in our lives.  We were not sure if we were going to be able to have children so these babies are an immense blessing.  I don't take for granted that God has given us in a spontaneous manner that which so many couples seek infertility treatment for.  I went through each phase of this pregnancy with a level of anxiousness thinking we could lose our little ones.  God is the one sustaining this pregnancy and now that I am in the third trimester I marvel at His goodness in allowing us to have these little boys.  

I would love to have a plan.  I am a huge planner by nature and so the fact that these little munchkins will be here in the next months and I am not sure what is happening is really difficult.  Quality day cares are super expensive and almost negate the value of me working.  If I knew that I could find profitable part time work or work from home then I would do it in an instant.  There has to be others in the same boat as us.  How did you survive that first year?  How do balance trying to raise your kids and spend time with them while both of you have to work? What was the decision making process? 

My fear is that I picture myself haggard and depressed with what needs to be accomplished on a daily basis as opposed to enjoying the boys' babyhood and reveling in the joy of raising them.  I want all aspects of these boys' lives to be seen as a joy and I am afraid it will feel like a burden."

God granted me the energy each day to get up, feed the boys, get them changed for the day, get myself looking presentable and actually be productive at work.  God provided a wonderful friend, a Christian mom, to watch our boys in our home part time.  He has provided a selfless mother-in-law who is willing to help and care for the boys an  additional two days a week.  God has sustained a spirit of unity and team work in mine and Eric's marriage so that we can charge forward.  God is good. 

Two Months!

Our baby boys are two months old already!  It is amazing how the last two months have seemed so long yet gone by so fast at the same time.  We had the boys' two month well baby check up this week and they are doing great.  Their six week growth spurt was clearly evident with all the weight they had gained since their one month check up. 

Here are the latest stats:

Abraham:

Birth-5 lbs. 15 ozs.; 19.75 inches

One Month- 7 lbs. 1 oz.; 21 inches

Two Months-10 lbs. 8 ozs.; 21.75 inches

Winston:

Birth- 7 lbs. 9 ozs.; 20 inches

One Month- 7 lbs. 10 ozs.; 21 inches
Two Months-11 lbs. 13 ozs.; 23 inches

 Winston (left) and Abraham in their going home outfits (size newborn) at the hospital- 3 days old



Winston (left) and Abraham in the same sleepers at 2 months

Abraham- 

He was my 'Little Man' when he was born and although he has filled out immensely, he is still the smaller twin.  He is a great little eater and I am convinced it is because he is trying to catch up with his brother. Abraham typically wakes up every 3-3.5 hours to eat.  He is getting quite a little temper as well.  When we feed him, he will start shrieking when we unlatch him to burp. Half way through a feed his tummy is full enough that he does not feel the need to make a fuss.  He makes the 'poopy' lip as we call it in our household; a super cute pout in which his bottom lip folds down.  He discovered his tongue within the last couple weeks and likes to stick it out like a frog.  He can roll onto his side from his back but has not turned all the way yet.  Tummy time is not his favorite.  He has replaced Winston as 'Squeaker' and loves to make high pitched tones with his voice.  He loves to see what is going on around him so I am able to put him forward facing in the Moby wrap and he is quite content.  His head circumference is the same as Winston now so when they are both in their car seats or covered by a blanket, we have to concentrate in order to tell them apart.  Abraham has a tiny strawberry mark on the tip of his upper lip and when in doubt, that is the way we can tell.

Winston-

We affectionately called him Big Man after he was born and it hasn't changed so far.  His little chest is so broad already and it is amazing how much he has filled out.  After a rough patch with feeding, he has become a steady eater.  He finally seems like he has the knack of breastfeeding.  During the day, Winston typically eats every 3 hours and can go about 4.5 or longer during the night.  He is such a cuddle bug and every time he is held, he works his little head under the chin of whoever is holding him.  He seemed to discover his voice sooner than Abraham and we would hear him in his swing making cooing noises.  Winston has become the easier going of the two babies which has been an interesting development.  He rarely cries these days.  Winston discovered his tongue shortly after Abraham and also spends time sticking it out. He also makes the cutest face where he purses his lips real tight and scrunches his forehead up. Winston does not mind tummy time...he either sleeps or rolls over.  He obviously has that one figured out.  He can also roll onto his side from his back.  He has the cutest little cry that is pretty distinctive.  He makes a 'gee' with a soft 'g' sound when he is letting us know he needs something.  We can always tell his cry apart from Abraham that way.  Winston has a small hole on the conch of his left ear that he was born with.  He also has a strawberry birthmark on the back of his neck. 

A&W-

Both boys love car rides, their swings, listening to music and snuggling.  They smile frequently, especially after a feeding.  They are cooing and discovering their voices.  They have started blowing bubbles within the last week, adorable yet messy.  Their primary food is breast milk from either the bottle or nursing directly.  They have on average one bottle a day of formula. They typically need to be burped a couple of times during a feeding just to make it all stays put, even then we have some spitting up but it's not too bad.  They will use their pacifiers primarily at night but in general are not big fans since they do all the work of sucking but get no food.  They are getting so alert and love to track everything with their eyes.  They are so strong already and like to "stand' while we are holding them.  A little trick we use to get them to sleep and/or stay asleep is putting their face close to ours and let them feel our breathing; they seem to find this very soothing.  They have had their tummy issues which seem to develop in the later evening hours and keep them awake.  It is getting better and better however and they are needing the infant gas drops less frequently.  Typically, we try to get the boys down to bed around between 9:30 and 10:30 for the night; it just depends on how smoothly things are going for that evening.  They just graduated from their newborn diapers and are now in size ones.  We are excited about that because most of our gift diapers from their babies' shower were in that size--we can start saving some moola.  They are outgrowing some of their newborn clothes and are mostly in 0-3 month size clothing.

Winston (top) and Abraham

Mother's Day

This past weekend was my first Mother's Day.  To think that these babies were not even a twinkle in my eye this time last year.  I am truly so blessed to be the mama of these two precious boys. 

I had a nice day.  We went to church in the morning and later we had a nice dinner with Eric's family.

Winston (left) and Abraham were changed into sleepers

after tandem diaper leaks.  Appropriate since Winston wanted to sleep.

 My MIL made me a calligraphied picture of me and the boys

 Uncle Adam and Winston

 Grandpa and Abraham

 Grandma and Winston

Auntie Alicia and Abraham

Sanctification

The last couple weeks have been tough.  The boys are 8 weeks old and we have not made too much progress in the sleeping department.  Abraham had some nights where he was not going to sleep for the "night" until after 3 am.  We would try to get the boys down to sleep after their 9 pm feeding, deal with fussiness until their midnight feeding and listen to screaming until their 3 am feeding, after which they would finally fall asleep.  Winston at this stage is proving to be the easier baby which has been an interesting turn of events.  I think Winston would be sleeping through the night if it wasn't for Abraham keeping him awake.  Once Abraham decides to exercise his lungs, he wakes up Winston and the two of them tag team until they are totally spent.  These boys are also really eating.  They are consuming 6 ozs. of breast milk or formula on a regular basis.  I seriously cannot keep up with them!

Now the question is: what is Abraham's problem?  I am trying everyday to figure it out.  Is he getting overstimulated and therefore cannot shut down?  Is he not feeling full?  I think it may be a combination of the two.  The hard thing is I am not finding a set pattern on any given night other than he wakes up every three hours to eat.  The other night we went to a friend's house for a BBQ and the child fell asleep despite all the noise and interaction.  Both boys were down for the night in their bassinets before midnight!  I rack my brain to determine the magic combination but the reality is the little guy may just not be ready to sleep for longer periods at night.  I was reading that babies' ability to sleep through the night (5-6 hours) was based more off of neurological development as opposed to how many calories they consume during the day.  Our little guys were born at 37 weeks so in theory we have another 3 weeks before we should be expecting the longer runs of sleep.

Being the parents to these twin boys has been a very sanctifying experience.  The boys can both throw little temper tantrums these days when they decide they are hungry.  They go from being asleep to shrieking when they want their food.  It still has not connected in their little brains however that the food is coming and will always continue to come because mama and papa are there to take care of them.  I actually talk to the boys and typically say something to the effect of  "You're okay.  Mama is here and will always take care of you.  Calm down."  I try to make them reach a certain level of calm before I plug them in so to speak.  Eric and I were commenting and reflecting on the fact that this is a picture of the gospel.  Our Heavenly Father constantly cares and provides for us yet every single time we feel a need we become anxious and fretful. We throw our own littler temper tantrums when things do not turn out the way we want. When will we ourselves learn that He is always faithful?  It was so humbling to think about the fact that while we get tired and frustrated with our kids' antics that God's patience with us is never ending.  I believe that is why He gave us children: to help us better understand what He has done for us. 

Despite this being a difficult stage, when the boys give us one of their little smiles and coos, it makes being a parent the best thing in the world.  They are the cutest, sweetest little boys when they have a full tummy and dry diaper.  I seriously look at them sometimes and think to myself, "Could these kids actually have come from  me?"  But I have the stretch marks to prove it.  The newborn stage is hard but I try to take it one day at a time with lots of prayer and focus on how we are truly blessed beyond measure.