What?

I am pretty sure I forgot to post last night so I will have to do two today to make up for it. We made it home yesterday afternoon and it is so good to have all of us back under one roof. My dad already headed out this morning so now it is just the kids and I while Eric is at work. I am looking forward to getting back into our little routine and I can finally get Matthias' two month post done.


Eric was trying to copy Matthias' serious look here.

Working Mom to Stay at Home Mom

I hit an anniversary over Thanksgiving weekend.  It was a year ago that I was starting the transition from having a full time job outside the home to staying at home with the boys.  I have now been a stay at home mom for twice as long as I was a working mom. Wow, that is crazy.  To be honest, I do not think I am any better at this gig now than when I first started.  I have learned and am continuing to learn some valuable lessons in all of it.  I am thankful that I have the comparison of being a working mom to look back on. It helps encourage me during the difficult days with the boys that I am so blessed to be able to spend as much time with them as I do.

There are the moms out there that seem to just genuinely love domestic life and are really good at it.  They never look back at their working days with a nostalgic wistfulness.  I am not one of those women.  I struggle with the mundane tasks that need to be done over and over.  It used to be that I found cleaning to be somewhat relaxing.  I got home and found satisfaction in doing housework.  I had areas of my life compartmentalized. Now I live at my workplace, so to speak, and it can be quite maddening sometimes.  I see stuff all the time that is not getting done and I get frustrated.  It is hard to gauge the level of your work.  There are no more formal evaluations and verbal feedback as to your performance.  So I look at my boys and their physical and intellectual growth and tell myself that I am succeeding despite the petty housework issues that fall by the wayside. 

Another thing that women do not tell each other enough is that staying at home with small children can be an incredibly isolating experience.  There are aspects of working that I miss tremendously.  It is very difficult to physically work just as hard if not harder than you ever have before and not feel appreciated.  Earning a pay check brought me a big chunk of my self-esteem.  Putting on decent clothing, doing my make-up and hair everyday and having conversations with other intelligent adults did a lot to boost my morale.  It is so easy to say, "I will never be one of those women that let myself go."  I get that. I totally do.  It is not that I sit around all day and fail to take care of myself.  It is just hard to motivate myself to beautify when Eric is out of town and the only people I see for several days in a row are Abraham and Winston.  The boys care that mama sits down and plays with them.  They do not care about my hair.  It is a tough balance to strike and I think like most things in life it is a constant effort to do so.

Becoming a mother taught me a whole new level of patience and selflessness and staying at home with the boys even multiplied that.  I have laid aside my ambitions and desires for the good of my children. It is hard some days.  Satan can tempt me with the thought that I deserve more and that I need more in this life to be fulfilled. The reality is that I have never had greater fulfillment in my life.  My children are a joy to me. Sometimes they drive me crazy but I am so thankful that I can serve them.  I am thankful they can look back and see with my lifestyle how much I love them. 

I have been in the position where I was leaving my two month old infants in someone else's care while I commuted and worked a full eight hour day.  It was hard.  I do not envy anyone in that position.  I know what it is like to be so tired when you are driving home from work but the minute you see your kids again, you pick back up and are giving them 110%.  It is that mommy DNA that allows you to do feats of super human strength.  Love drives and compels you everyday to do what you need to do to provide for your children.  I have some friends that are working moms and I am amazed to see what they do on a daily basis.  They could seriously run circles around me in the tasks they accomplish.  There is no right and there is no wrong when it comes to a mom working.  It is the unique situation and conviction of each family to decide whether mom is going to go outside the home to earn an income.

Me with my little bubbas at one week old.

To the stay at home moms, you are my hero.  To the working moms, you are my hero.  To those moms that are doing the very best you can for your kids every single day, you are my hero. We are all mothers and we love our children.  We do what we do because we want what is best for our kids.  Let's cheer each other on no matter our individual circumstances.

Sunriver Vacation

We got back last weekend from a wonderful vacation in Sunriver, Oregon. I have been working on writing about our trip this entire past week but one of my little guys was sick and that always changes everything around here. This is one of those posts where it is really hard to summarize a week in words and pictures... but I will try my best to capture the spirit of our time there.

Happy Bubbas at breakfast time

I posted that the night before we left for Sunriver that we had our first night away together from the kids.  Ideally we would have hit the road by 9:00 at the latest but we did not end up leaving until about 11:00.  Then we got the brilliant idea that we would change the boys' seats to facing forward so that they would be more well behaved.  Epic parenting fail.  The boys' morning nap was interrupted so that we could leave and the forward facing thing over-stimulated them to the point that they did not want to nap in the car at all.  I think I could write a whole post about what we learned from road tripping with toddlers.  Perhaps I will...if I ever get around to it.  We finally rolled into the driveway of the rental house at about 9:00 pm after surviving some major whining.  We got settled in and went straight to bed.  I was so tired that I fell asleep right away.  It was amazing and I slept better that week on vacation than I have in a really long time.

"Woo-hoo's" from Abraham.  It was great at first but not when we wanted them to nap.

Winston liked facing forward as well.

Last fall when Eric's brother Adam got married, we talked to his cousins about the potential of all of us spending a week in Sunriver for a cousins' reunion.  When Eric was growing up, members of his immediate and extended family would go to Sunriver for vacation.  Some families went every year and some more sporadically.  At the time when this all came up, I loved the idea of all of us going on vacation together but Eric had just lost his job the week before.  Our future was uncertain and I was trying to mentally prepare myself for continuing to work full time to support our family.  The idea of planning a vacation a year down the road seemed very unrealistic to me.  Fast forward a year later and Eric has almost been at his current job for a year.  I was even able to quit working a couple months after Eric started working again.  God was very, very gracious to us. It still amazes us to see what God has done in our lives in the last year and how He has been so faithful to provide for us. We had vacation time provided through Eric's job and started planning the trip with his cousins.  Eric's cousin Jason and his wife Rachel headed up the hunt for a house for all of us to rent together and they did a great job.  We ended up staying in a 5 bedroom/5 bathroom house and it had four suites.  This meant that all of us married couples had our own bathroom within our room.  The kitchen was huge and we were all able to cook at the same time and not get into each other's way too much.  Everyone was gracious enough to allow us to have the biggest bedroom, the one with the walk-in closet, so that we could have the boys sleep in there.  

Home sweet home for the week.

We would open the pocket door to the closet in the morning and this is what we would see.

What I loved about the week was that it was very relaxed and casual. There were no itineraries or schedules. We stayed in the same rental house all week so there was no driving here and there and everywhere. This trip was our first vacation for the sake of just having a vacation.  Every trip we have gone on has been tied to a holiday, wedding or a funeral so it has been busy and not always very relaxing.  The week was really what the doctor ordered.  The boys loved seeing Eric every day and getting to do lots of activities.  We went on bike rides, went to the swim center (SHARC), went for walks in the local outdoor mall and in general spent lots of quality time with family.

Winston running around at the SHARC.

Peekaboo

Our family of four

Abraham catching a little break.

Jason and Rachel--we love them lots.

Winston and Lorelai had lots of fun playing in the sand area.

Cousin love.  Winston goes in for a smooch.

Getting ready for a bike ride.  Rene with Abraham, Mama with Winston, Aunt Cindy and Jonathan.

The bubbas taking a stroll at The Village.

What is this bike trailer thing and why do we always have to wear our hats?

Before the long ride. We gave up on the hats.

After

One of the highlights of the week was that we had a big potluck with all the families.  There were cousins, great aunts and uncles, great great aunts and uncles and great grandparents.  The downstairs area of our rental house accommodated everyone quite nicely.

Like father, like son.

We learned that Abraham figured out how to get more dessert.  He would go around saying "bite" and Aunt Cindy was one of the people happy to oblige.  He is a smart little stinker.

The kiddos had fun doing laps around the pool table.

These kids were deliriously tired by this point.

Uncle Tracy and his little granddaughter Lorelai.

Tickle time!

Great Uncle Denny and Uncle Tracy with Winston checking out the TV.

Grandma Guddat and Grandma Holmes

Mama and Winston

We are already looking forward to going again and are hoping to make it a biennial event with all the cousins.  One thing I wish I had was group photo of all of us that were in the house but I was trying to be relaxed about the picture taking--being more in the moment rather than trying to orchestrate the perfect picture opportunities.  The blessing is that our family is rapidly expanding with additional family members getting married and having children of their own.  Doing this trip again is definitely an event to look forward to.

Getting ready for a bike ride!

Climbing hills at The Village

Winston and Great Grandma Guddat

Our drive home went much, much better.  We left at a decent hour and the boys took both a morning and afternoon nap.  We took a longer lunch break in Klamath Falls and then stopped again in Susanville.  We found a nice little park and let the boys run around for a while.  The boys played on the swings for the first time and they loved it.  We got home right a round dinner time and it was easy getting the guys back into their normal routine.

Eric was wearing his 'iDad 2.0' shirt--perfect!

Sweet Abraham

Precious Winston

Another of Mama and Winston

It was a great trip and I was so thankful to spend time with extended family and get a break from our everyday routine.  I am ready to go back already!

Home!

First off, my Internet is down so I have not been able to update about weekend happenings like I wanted to. Most importantly however is that my dear Eric has been out of town since the 5th and he is coming home tomorrow! Yay!

All that to say it might be a little while until I get some more posts in. I am sure you all understand.



June 2007 at Riverside Youth Conference, one of the first pictures we ever took together.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Visiting The Office

Today I brought the boys to the office where their papa and grampa work. There was a special visitor there. Mr. Cronan Connell is the president of Valley Rubber which is the company Eric works for. A&W thought Mr. Connell was lots of fun because he tickled their bellies and spun them around in an office chair. I heard through the grapevine that our little family's blog had a bit of a fan base in Alabama. I wanted to share that we got to have an enjoyable visit with Cronan and according to him our local sushi joint served the best sushi dinner he had ever had. Hmmmm, I think that is incentive for more business trips out our direction. That and two little boys that are getting cuter by the day.

Thanks to all those at Valley Rubber that shared Cronan with us for the week.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Finality

Tomorrow is my last day at my job.  I have been packing up and clearing my desk since last week.  I had lunch today with a group of coworkers that wanted to send me off.  I have been saying my good-byes as I see people.  It is all so final. 

I am really excited about spending more time with my boys, focusing more on my husband and getting more things done around the house.  I just know that it is going to take me a little while to get into a new routine.  The first week I will probably feel like I am on vaction and by week two will be wondering if I should be checking in with my boss.  It is a weird tumble of emotions right now.  I don't always like change. I don't like feeling like I am leaving things behind.  Intellectually I am full steam ahead but emotionally I am trying to reconcile things.  Pride can cause us to think that we are indispendable, that we are the progenitors of our roles whatever they may be.  As a stay at home mom I know I am not going to be hearing, "You just did great work" or "What you just did was really important" from my two babies. The reality is that I am truly going to be doing great work, doing important things, in the lives of my children.  There may not be recognition of that from them for many years to come (or never) and that's okay.  Everything we do is done before the Lord so I do it for Him and not for myself. 

Every time I hear this song on Christian radio, it reminds me that whether I am a working mom or a stay at home mom, I do every little thing for the glory of God. We can all use this little reminder at times:

Saturday Busyness

Today we went grocery shopping and got all the fixings for our Thanksgiving dinner.  We also picked up paint and supplies for finishing up the dining room area.  We took the boys shopping and they were absolute dolls.  They smiled at everyone they saw.  Total time away from home was about four hours and there were no melt downs.  They pretty much missed a nap but it turned out alright.  It makes me encouraged that down the road I can take the boys on longer errand runs.  When we were out we ran into a couple that we had taken our childbirth class with and they had their identical twin girls with them.  It was so much fun trading stories for a couple of minutes and seeing their little girls.  People love babies and they especially find twins enamoring.

As of right now we have the wall almost done.  It's a color called Autumn Maple.  Perfect for Thanksgiving, right? The door is going to take a while longer because we have to take it off the frame to paint it. 

A picture is worth a thousand words, right?

Nothing too exciting happening over here.  Just getting geared up for the holiday.  It's going to be a bit of busy week with me finishing up work indefinitely and Eric going out of town for a business trip.  I am telling myself that I just need to push through till Thursday.  The good news is that I won't have to go back to work the following Monday.

Random Friday

Happy Friday Everyone!

The randomness in my head:

-Excited to go to a bridal shower tomorrow.  I have spent the last three weekends at home with the boys and am looking forward to some girl time.  We are all healthy again.  Praise the Lord!

-Finishing up the shopping list for the Thanksgiving menu.  Really looking forward to the grubbin'.

-We need to finish painting a wall in our new to us dining room.  It's the wall that had the door installed so we have to cover up the spackle job around the trim.  We are going to add some more color to the house and I am excited about finally making our place more homey. 

-We also got an entry ladder to our attic installed.  This means we can clear the garage floor and get a car back in there.  Revolutionary idea, right? 

-Trying to process that I have only have three days of work left.  Crazy.  Fortunately I am on track to finish a project that I have going. 

-We have had incredibly high winds here today.  There is a really bad fire in Reno.  Pray for the families that have lost their homes and the firefighters that are working tirelessly to stop it. 

-Sometimes I look back on my previous post and am in awe over my typos and grammar.  I try people but I am trying to crank these things out on a daily basis for NaBloPoMo and my brain is tending to shut off when I am writing these things.  I read yesterday's post and thought, "Did I really put the word 'statistcally'?  I am making up words over here!"  Really, I normally pride myself on spelling so it's a good thing to be humbled and laugh at my blunders. 

-These were my sweet boys right before bed tonight. When they are really tired they fall asleep right on the nursing pillow:

Random Friday

Happy Friday everyone!

The jumble in my head:

-Eric comes home tonight after being gone since last Saturday. Enough said.

-I am trying to get my CEU’s completed for the biennial renewal of my Registered Environmental Health Specialist (REHS) credential. California has specific standards for who can be a recognized provider of classes i.e. they will not offer credit for stuff I take in NV. I have completed two classes online through Cal-EPA because taking the time off and money to do a conference or seminar in CA is not really feasible. One more class to go and I am done...at least until I have to think about renewing again. There is no way I am going to let my REHS certification lapse however. That test was hard and took many months of my life to study for.

-A&W are starting to push up on their knees. They rock back and forth and then their arms give out and their tummy is back on the floor. I am kind of glad they are not crawling yet. I know I am going to need eyes in the back of my head once they do. My guess is that Winston will be the first one to be mobile.

-They are also sitting up pretty well now. Abraham can do the no hands thing but Winston still typically does the tripod pose.

-The boys’ sniffles seem to be getting better by the day. We were so fortunate that it was limited to their nose. There were some kids from church that had high fevers, cough and were throwing up. I am so thankful they did not get that.

-We got our first snow of the season that stuck. I forgot about needing to put time into the morning schedule to scrape ice and snow off the vehicle before heading out. I am so glad that I won’t have to schlep the boys around every morning in that weather starting in the next few weeks.

-Really missing fellowship with my church family these days. There is a BBQ tonight for the Teens and Twenties at our church but I am not going to make it for multiple reasons that involve the babies. It’s hard because their bed time is when most social functions happen. I know this is just a phase in life. It motivates me to pick up the phone or e-mail people more so that I can have some connectivity. I definitely look forward to being able to do more church activities as a family.

-Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I am really looking forward to seeing my husband tonight.

Looking Forward to Sand Castles

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."   - C.S. Lewis

One of the many paradoxes of the Christian faith is that we are to seek to be content in all things, considering every situation good according to God's perfect will, yet have a faith that God can move mountains and change our situation in a dramatic way.  I can clearly remember driving to work in the last week of August and feeling tired.  I remember feeling like I was always tired and wondered if there was ever going to be a time in my life when I was not tired again.  Working full time and still waking up quite frequently with the boys at night, I saw the pretty sunrise over the Pine Nut Mountains and was reminded that the Lord's mercies are new every morning.  He was going to give me the grace and mercy to get through one more day.  He was going to give me what I needed to get through however long I needed to balance full time work and full time mommyhood.  Then I remembered C.S. Lewis's quote above. 

"Lord, am I so focused on survival, grinning and bearing it, seeking to be content, that I am not remembering that you can change this situation at any moment?  Am I seeking to love mud pies when you want me to realize you have the power to transform them into sand castles?" 

And with that I thought about how God had the power to do anything but that ultimately He was good in whatever He did.  I remembered that He gives us the ability to do difficult things.  I focused on the joy He could and does bring me. That same week Eric got a job offer.  I was floored.  It's not too often that we get to see God's will so clear and absolute.  Then that same day Eric got fired from a company he had been with for nearly thirteen years.  I was listening very intently now.  There was a sense of confusion especially for poor Eric but ultimately I felt at peace.  I saw God moving.  How could I not feel peace? Eric started his new job three weeks ago.  We were so excited because we knew the possibility was there.  We looked at our budget and the numbers worked. 

I gave notice at work this week.  On Thanksgiving Day I will spend my first official day as a stay at home mom.  I like working.  I find it fulfilling but it is nothing compared to the fulfillment that my children bring me.  I don't have to work full time any longer.  I don't have to spend my days feeling guilty that someone else is caring for my babies.  I don't have to be tired all the time and struggle to fill so many different hats. My ultimate dream is happening. 

I am crying because God actually wanted me to see the sand on the shore instead of making mud pies.  He did not have to do that.  He still would have been just as good and righteous in His will if I stayed working full time for the rest of my life.  I had forgotten His power.  If He can do little things like this that change my life so dramatically, I cannot even fathom what He accomplished through the cross.  Why is this all happening now exactly? I don't know.  His ways are far above my ways.  But I do know that it leaves me humbled and determined to never take it for granted that I get to spend these precious little years with my boys. 

Soli Deo Gloria.

Random Friday

Happy Friday everyone!

The jumble in my head:

-This week has been really long and I am glad it is almost over. Eric started his new job (yay!) but it also meant extra early wake ups and a shift in the routine for the whole family again. It always takes a little while to get acclimated.

-Our friend Caitlyn has started watching the boys three days a week. We are bringing the boys to her house and I was nervous about them being in a new environment and being difficult but so far so good (thank you Jesus).

-Yesterday I got one of those “You look tired” comments. Yeah, one of those. Doesn’t that make a girl feel grand?

-Fall is really here. Last week it was gloomy and we had our first snow in the valley. I was not ready for that at all. This week has been bee-you-ti-ful however. All the leaves are changing color and I love, love, love it.

-Apparently Downton Abbey Season Two has premiered in the UK but won’t be showing here until January which means it’s going to be a long time until I actually get to see it (we don’t have cable).

-The boys are “talking” up a storm. They are using their real voices (instead of the coos) and are running through the sounds they have learned to make. Abraham will repeat ‘da-da-da’ but does not associate it with Eric. Winston is still the ‘ma-ma-ma’ maker but does not associate it with me. They can also make the ba, ra, na and ga sounds. Who knows how long it will be until they start saying real words.

-I think my kids have fat feet. I was given the cutest 6-12 month shoes and I cannot get the boys’ feet in them. In theory they look long and wide enough but the height (fatness?) cannot be crammed in there. I just bought them 12-24 month socks. I have a hard enough time getting them to keep socks on nonetheless shoes. I am thinking if I bought them shoes right now they would need a 4 or 5 to accommodate the girth of their feet. Isn’t that big for how old they are? And that is not a rhetorical question; I am really wondering about that.

-I am totally thinking about a Thanksgiving dinner menu (because we’re hosting this year) as well as Christmas card photos. I am so excited for the boys’ first Thanksgiving and Christmas season.

-We are planning (Lord willing) on going to So Cal for Christmas. I have been home sick the last several months and want A&W to meet my extended family as well as friends.

-There was an incredible potluck hosted by the Bureau of Waste Management this past week. There was pumpkin cheesecake. Enough said. I am telling myself I will get back on the band wagon with healthier eating again.

-I forgot some parts for my pump today. I normally keep spare parts handy for that exact reason but I had used them recently and, of course, had failed to bring them back. This meant a frenzied run to Target on my lunch break. Breastfeeding is a labor of love. Breastfeeding and having to pump because I work full time? Labor of love plus a little insanity thrown in there for good measure.

-My family (mom, stepdad and brother) is coming in tomorrow. My house is a disaster and I am trying to get myself motivated to power clean once I am home. The laundry monster never seems to be one I can slay. I cut it down but then it comes back for more.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Mr. Mom No More

So the exciting news in our neck of the woods is that Eric is starting a new job! Praise God! We know that we are very blessed to have Eric gainfully employed again only a short number of weeks after losing his job. It is something we do not take for granted and we see God’s sovereignty in all His dealings with us. Eric starts his new job on Monday so that would make today his last day as a stay at home parent. So many things have changed in the last five weeks for our family and I know we are still trying to absorb the reality of it all. Even though Eric has been reading through his employee handbook and signing paperwork, I know these realities are not going to hit us for a little while longer. With his new job, Eric will be traveling a fair amount and we both agreed that when he goes away for the first time, all of this will really start to settle in. Eric loves to travel (we both do actually) so I know he is as excited as a little kid to start this next venture in life. Obviously the boys and I will miss him when he is gone but all the positives of his new position far outweigh the inconvenience of him being gone on occasion.

So tomorrow we are going to have a family shopping day and go to Reno to get stuff for Eric’s new job. He needs steel toe boots, wool socks and some warmer clothing because he will be in the Nevada mining territory and it gets crazy cold in the mountains here in the winter. The boys are at an age that it is getting easier to take them places. This will be our first major shopping outing with the babies. We have done all of our major shopping independently sans babies since they were born so this should be interesting. Our thought was that the boys can nap on the drive to Reno and back which is a good amount of time. I am looking forward to spending the day with all of us together. Normally the only public place the boys go is church where most people are very familiar with them so I know tomorrow we will be fielding a lot of “Are they twins?” questions and all the ensuing comments. And I think I am up for that tomorrow because I am feeling so happy and positive about life and am so proud of my growing family. Yes, they are twins. Yes, I am very busy. They are almost seven months old. Yes, they are identical. I can tell them apart quite easily actually. No, they were not premature. No, they are quite different in their personalities. Oh, your son’s teacher’s cousin’s pastor and his wife have twins also? Oh, but they are fraternal boy/girl twins? Awesome. My MoM friends know exactly what I am talking about.

Thanks to those that prayed for us during Eric’s period of unemployment and that he would be able to get the job that he now has. We really do appreciate it. Please continue to pray for us because we have some big decisions coming up regarding my job and child care for our dear boys. The year 2011 is proving to be a really big year in the Guddat household and we are continuously excited about the future.

Mr. Mom

This last year when I was pregnant with the boys, Eric and I watched the movie Mr. Mom starring Michael Keaton through our Netflix streaming account.  It’s a silly 80’s movie in which the protagonist gets laid off and his savvy wife goes back to work full time while he stays home with the children.  We got a chuckle out of it.  We asked one another, “Could you imagine?”  Well, the reality is that  is indeed our current reality.  I wrote a post a little while back about having a different kind of day.  In that day Eric got an unexpected phone call in which he was offered a job.  A good job.  A great job.  Prayers of thanks and tears followed from both of us.  There was no pressure or rush so we were going to pray on it and make the big decision.  Eric had been with his company for nearly thirteen years and wanted to give advance notice if he were to leave.  Less than four hours later Eric was called into an office at work and was terminated from his position. There was no warning, just fired.  Talk about the decision being made for us, huh?  It was a lot to process. 

There’s a lot that can be said about Eric having to come to terms with what happened in getting fired.  Eric is incredibly loyal so the circumstances were hard to take.  He had gone to work at the same place each weekday for so many years and I was encouraging him that it would be like a grieving process.  The next workday rolled around and it was disorienting to both of us for him to not go in to work.  I am so proud of him however for being motivated and not letting despondency overtake him.  He has been home with the boys the last couple of weeks and takes such good care of them.  He has managed to get some ‘honey do’ items checked off the household list.  He is doing an on-line course in working towards his bachelor’s degree.  He landed a consulting job doing the safety classes for a local public utilities district.  The man is keeping himself busy. 

A lot of blessings have been happening in all of this and I would love to testify to God’s faithfulness:

• The order of the job offer and subsequent firing prevented us from despair.  It revealed God’s will and let us know that He was with us.  It could have been different and so much more discouraging but God was gracious to us.
• Eric will be going back to work, Lord willing, but for now gets to spend lots of quality time with our boys.  There is lots of bonding going on there.  I love to come home and see our boys look at their papa with such love and affection.  Plus, Eric is getting them on a good schedule.
•  Money started showing up seemingly from nowhere.  After three plus years of working to settle an injury claim after my car accident, we finally reached a settlement with the insurance company and the check came in the mail the same day Eric lost his job.  Then a week later we got a check from our mortgage company reimbursing us for overpayment into our escrow account and reimbursement from our insurance company for a deductible we had paid for a car repair after their subrogation committee determined we were not at fault.  Amazing.
•  I have never been so grateful to be a working mom!  I feel privileged I get to help provide for my family.  A&W will also continue to have health insurance through my work.  Thankfully we decided to dually insure the boys through both our jobs.  If we had not done so, our children would be without health insurance until my work’s next open enrollment period.  

All in all, so much that God has been showing us and teaching us.  We are definitely learning patience and trust at the moment.  So please pray for us that Eric’s job offer will continue to go forward and that he interviews well in the coming week.  The man is itching to work again but has been doing really well with seeking contentment in the here and now. 

And here is Mr. Beef, a.k.a  Papa, with his dear boys

Working Mama

So I have gone back to work within the last couple of weeks.  I was hoping to have stretched out my leave a bit longer by working at home but I learned that there is no productivity with caring for two newborns.  I am grateful that I got two months with the boys before I had to go back.  Thinking about going back to work was really hard.  Tears were shed on numerous occasions because I felt that I just couldn't it--be a loving mother and a decent employee all at the same time.  I prayed.  I prayed really hard.  I asked God to take my burden away.  And I believe my prayers were answered but not in the way I was expecting.  I wanted God to make a miracle happen in which all our finances came into place and I could stay at home.  Instead what God has done is even more amazing in some regards.  He has made it so that trying to be a good mother and working at the same time does not feel like a burden. 

Before the boys were born, I had started a blog post regarding the fear and anxiety I felt at the prospect of going back to work after the boys were born.  I never posted it because I felt like it was negative and I did not want my blog to be a forum to complain.  In reading it again, I realize it was me just being honest.  Some of the things I confessed are still worries on my mind but I am so thankful to see the progress I have made.  The following is what I wrote:

"I have been spending a lot more time in the blogosphere as of late trying to figure out how all these other parents of multiples seem to do it all.  I seem to find an overwhelming amount of stay at home moms or parents that can afford nannies while the mom works.  I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom.  I want nothing more than to see every little milestone as opposed to trying to earn a living but we depend on my income.  That income however is not enough to hire a full time nanny which is much more ideal than day care. I get really anxious and emotional when I think about having to leave my babies shortly after they are born. This is when the bad thoughts come in.  I wonder why God in His timing would allow us to have these babies now when we cannot afford to live off one income.  I find the biggest thing that helps is focusing on gratitude and thankfulness. So I force myself to think about:

• The fact that through both of us working we have more than enough to live off of.  We know that we can provide for these babies and that is a huge blessing. 
• We live in a house that is plenty big enough for these two little additions.
• We have health insurance to cover this pregnancy and delivery.  That is one less stress we have and not something to take lightly.
• Our family is ecstatic about these baby boys.  They are going to be so loved (and are very much loved already).
• We have a supportive network of family and friends that want us to succeed in this parenthood adventure.  I am confident that there will be help and encouragement along every step of the way.  
• My husband- my biggest fan and encourager.  When I start feeling overwhelmed, he is the one telling me that he knows we can do this.
• I am pregnant with twins which is a testimony to God's will in our lives.  We were not sure if we were going to be able to have children so these babies are an immense blessing.  I don't take for granted that God has given us in a spontaneous manner that which so many couples seek infertility treatment for.  I went through each phase of this pregnancy with a level of anxiousness thinking we could lose our little ones.  God is the one sustaining this pregnancy and now that I am in the third trimester I marvel at His goodness in allowing us to have these little boys.  

I would love to have a plan.  I am a huge planner by nature and so the fact that these little munchkins will be here in the next months and I am not sure what is happening is really difficult.  Quality day cares are super expensive and almost negate the value of me working.  If I knew that I could find profitable part time work or work from home then I would do it in an instant.  There has to be others in the same boat as us.  How did you survive that first year?  How do balance trying to raise your kids and spend time with them while both of you have to work? What was the decision making process? 

My fear is that I picture myself haggard and depressed with what needs to be accomplished on a daily basis as opposed to enjoying the boys' babyhood and reveling in the joy of raising them.  I want all aspects of these boys' lives to be seen as a joy and I am afraid it will feel like a burden."

God granted me the energy each day to get up, feed the boys, get them changed for the day, get myself looking presentable and actually be productive at work.  God provided a wonderful friend, a Christian mom, to watch our boys in our home part time.  He has provided a selfless mother-in-law who is willing to help and care for the boys an  additional two days a week.  God has sustained a spirit of unity and team work in mine and Eric's marriage so that we can charge forward.  God is good. 

Recap of 2010

In somewhat chronological order:

• Eric turned 30 in January and I threw him an awesome 80's themed birthday party.  To see pics of the awesomeness, click here.
• We adopted two little dogs from the Mono County Animal Shelter.  We believe they are possibly miniature poodle/bichon frise/cocker spaniel mixes. They were brought into the shelter together and have the same color coat.  They might have been a breeding pair but we don't know for sure. To see the adorableness of these two, click here.
• I started a new job with the Nevada Division of Environmental Protection in the Bureau of Air Quality Planning at the beginning of the year.  I have been working in ambient air monitoring this past year but have been transitioning into a position within program management.  I am managing grants for retrofitting diesel buses currently and learning a lot.  The new job has meant a lot less stress and a much shorter commute.
• My Grandpa Dykstra turned 90 in April.  He is a wonderful, godly example and I feel blessed to have had him in my life for so long!
• Eric's cousin Amy was married early in June.  Amy and Jon had a beautiful wedding in Reno.
• Our good friends Brandon and Dawn had their baby boy in June.  They named him Uriah.  Awesome name, isn't it?
• Youth Conference 2010 held in June was another big success.  We had our biggest group to date!
• Eric's grandpa Guddat went to heaven in July after a strong fight against prostate cancer.  We were able to travel to WA for the services and were grateful to spend that time commemorating him with other family members. 
• Our friends Woody and Sarah were married in July. Our friends, the Elliotts (James and Michelle), came for the wedding and visited with us for the weekend.  They have three kids four and under and make it look so easy.  We also found out in July that we are expecting. 
• Eric's friend and discipler Monty went to heaven in August after living with pulmonary fibrosis for a couple years.  He had a huge impact on Eric's spiritual walk and I am grateful his legacy continues on.
• Eric and I celebrated our two year anniversary in August.  So are we still considered newlyweds?  Well, I still like to think we act like it.
• My mom and stepdad came for a visit in August. We went to Hot August Nights in Reno (classic car rally). I was in the the throes of morning sickness but we had a nice visit.
• We went to the greater Denver area Labor Day weekend for a dear friend's wedding and turned the trip into a vacation.  It was our first time visiting CO and we had a great time seeing Rocky Mountain National Park.
• To see some pics of our summer, click here.
• In September we found out that we were not only expecting a baby but having twins!  It was quite the shock.  More shocking was when we found out they were identical twins.  God is good!
• Eric is still teaching the JH/HS bible study on Wed. nights.  I have been teaching the 4th, 5th and 6th grade class for Kids Desiring God (also on Wed. nights).
• We traveled down to So Cal to see our friend James graduate from the police academy.  He is working for Riverside PD. 
• You already know but we are having boys.  That's right.  Picture two little Erics running around. 
• Eric has now been with Bently for 11 years!  We thank the Lord for constant employment during this rough time in the economy. 
• We traveled down to So Cal to spend Thanksgiving with my family.  We had a great visit and the babies are already being spoiled.
• Christmas was relaxing and happy.  We went to Christmas Eve service at our church and had family and friends over that night.  We did not get snow on Christmas. I will admit I was a bit disappointed.  We drove up to Tahoe with Eric's brother Adam and had breakast at Zephyr Cove.  Later we took some pics at Sand Harbor.  Christmas evening we went to Eric's parents' for the traditional Italian Christmas dinner.  It was great and the tiramisu we made for dessert turned out to be scrumptious. 
• Baby Watch 2011:  Two of the weddings we attended this summer were soon followed by some baby news.  Amy and Jon and Woody and Sarah are expecting this spring.  Also anyone that was a part of our wedding seemed to have big news.  Matron of honor and best friend Kathy and her husband Dave are expecting in May.  Cierra Pera, college room mate and confidante, is expecting baby number four with husband Steve in March.  Groomsman Rob Palmer is expecting baby number five with wife Makela in April.  Groomsman James and wife Michelle are expecting baby number four this summer.  I now have a friend named Jolene and guess what?  Yep, we have the same due date.  Good thing we spell our names differently or it could be confusing for people at church (read sentence with slight facetious tone).  If I missed memorializing a baby announcement, forgive me but there was a lot of baby news this year!

Overall, we have had quite the year and we feel blessed to have so much to look forward to in 2011!

Fall Wrap Up

We have had a busy but wonderful 2009.  Some fun things we did in the fall was go hiking with friends from church, wood cutting, host a poker night, watch UFC Fight Nights at Firkin and Fox, attend Street Vibrations in Reno, Youth Night Activities and go to the greater Seattle area for Thanksgiving.  We have much to be thankful for.  A big change is headed in the way of work for Joleen in 2009.  She was offered a job with the Nevada Department of Environmental Protection in the Bureau of Air Pollution Control.  This job is much closer to home and will mean less of a commute.  The next weeks will be a transition as we are wrapping things up in Mono County and heading into the holidays.  We are grateful for the opportunity for the job with the state of Nevada and are looking forward to a New Year!

Please check out the rest of our Thanksgiving album pictures here.  Praying all of you have a blessed holiday season!

Summer Recap

The Guddats at Riverside Youth Conference 2009

Well a lot has happened in the last months so I will just lay it all out:

• Our summer basically got off to a really fun start when my best friend Kathy and her husband Dave came to visit us for Memorial Day weekend. We had a great time together which involved seeing Tahoe, Virginia City, getting awesome Basque food and them teaching us how to mix a mean margarita. Kathy and I have been friends since 9th grade and what makes our friendship so special is that there is no pretense. If we don't talk for weeks or months at a time we fall right back into place.
  
• June was busy. My childhood friend Case came to visit (he grew up on the dairy next door to my dad's dairy). Our good friend Dave married a lovely lady named Tiffanie. Dave's family was able to stay with us during the week and the next day after the wedding we headed down south for the Riverside Youth Conference. For those of you in the know, Eric and I met in 2007 through this event when we were both chaperones. This year we had 35 kids attend from Grace Community! Now that is quite awesome. It was a bit interesting getting the caravan down there but I think DH did a great job executing all the plans, details and cracking the whip (kidding with the last part). Stephen Gambill from Nashville, TN was the speaker and he addressed the kids on "Living Christianly in All of Life." It was pertinent and convicting to all.
• July was visitor month. We had my mom, stepdad and little bro come up 4th of July weekend. More driving around Tahoe and Virginia City with Truckee in the mix. We had a BBQ on Sunday night with Jeff, Harmony and Alicia. We utilized our fire pit a lot over the summer to make s'mores...mmmmmh. We made an incredible 36 hour trip to So Cal for our friend Cameron and Joy's wedding. Adam came with us and it was so much fun. Our friends Dave and Robyn put us up for the two nights while we were there. The wedding was a lot of fun and it was wonderful getting to see our friends down there. Later that month my dad and stepmom came up. Virginia City again, no Tahoe. We went shooting (but unfortunately not long enough). Lots of margaritas (I made sure to put that after the shooting).
  
• We started off August by hosting Newly Marrieds at our house. We had 7 couples, the food turned our great and the discussion/fellowship was really edifiying. August also means that we have been married a year and what better way to celebrate than to hang out with family? No, seriously. My brother-in-law (for lack of a more clear term, maybe I could call him my Mike-in-law?) has been working in Reno a lot lately. He is a professional navigator for trophy truck races. The company he races for sold a truck to a racing company in Reno which means he is up here during the week a lot. Reno is still too far to see him on a regular basis (especially when I work in Bridgeport). All that to say, Mike, Zabrina and the kids decided that they were gonna be here the weekend of our anniversary. Mike was up here already so my dad and stepmom drove up with all the fam. We rented a boat on Tahoe and it was a lot of fun! We also did some more shooting this time. I shot the AR for the first time and I must say that I kind of like that. The following weekend Eric had a bachelor's weekend for his buddy Brandon. He was gone camping and fishing and I hung out with some girlfriends. I played Bunko for the first time and, went to Dawn's bridal shower, exercised, watched movies and stayed up way too late. I eventually got my special date night for our anniversary which included a nice dinner at Walley's (for those that don't live around here please don't think I am talking about Walmart) and a blingy watch as a gift. The next day we went to see G.I. Joe (I know, I love my husband) because I had already seen my girly movie choice, Julie and Julia, with my friends the weekend earlier. Later we went to Firkin & Fox and watched the UFC fights.
  
• September and Labor Day weekend mean the end of summer but apparently not our busy lives. Our friends Brandon and Dawn got married Labor Day weekend and it was a great experience with very happy bride and groom. I got better acquainted with Eric's firefighting compadres and spouses or SOs which I enjoyed. Labor Day we actually labored and went woodcutting...all day. I was sore later but it felt good at the time.
• In general, Eric is busy teaching the high school/junior high age at church on Wednesay nights. He tag teams on Sunday mornings. I have started working 4-10s which is fantastic in that I get an extra free day (I am choosing Fri.) but difficult in that 10 hour days are 13 hour days with the commute. Some days go longer and when I leave at 6 something and get back at 8 it's hard physically because the drive really takes it out of me (especially the 300+ mile field days). I am blessed to have a husband who packs my lunch, makes me my protein shake, my green tea and helps get me on the road. He really shows me how he loves me everyday. I am trying to get back into exercising after my back injury which is hard but overall I am feeling better. I had an MRI and I have a disc that potentially is damaged or it might just be degenerating. I was bummed when I was told I couldn't run because that is what I love but remembering I am blessed to be able to exercise in general. Eric's shoulder is doing pretty good. He is going to be going back to the swim center for work outs since that is good for his rotator cuff.

Check out the photos from our summer plus others at the following link from our Facebook album (and if you are on there please add us!)

Driving in Finter

Well it's not winter but I got to experience my first real drive through snow. It is the winter experience in fall so I call it finter.  I had to drive through the Carson Pass, south of Tahoe, to Napa for a work conference. I drove nice and slow and told myself all the driving tips that Eric keeps trying to instill in me because he wants me to be safe. I was the granny driver that kept pulling over in the turn outs to let other cars pass. I am attending the LEA/CIWMB Partnership Conference. I am the LEA counterpart of the conference. LEA stands for Local Enforcement Agency and I act as the solid waste enforcement agency for Mono County. At this conference I am listening to sessions on solid waste regulations from state integrated waste management specialists, industry representatives, and other LEA's that have relevant experience. I only say all that because a lot of people do not understand what I do.  I have a lot of different roles but I act as the solid waste program coordinator for my county. It's a great networking experience but I don't like being separated from my hubby. I really miss him. =-( Hopefully driving back the pass will be clear and I can make it back to Eric this Thursday night quickly!

Red Lake near Carson Pass

Driving very slow and taking a "no look" pic of the beautiful trees

Half of Eric and Our New Vehicle on the News!!!

Well in preparation for winter, we have been looking at vehicles for Joleen to drive for her commute to Walker, CA. Eric's 1987 Chevy Blazer has seen better days, for all that is run in the ground, it has 240,000 miles and is ready for retirement. In Eric's opinion it is just broke in. Joleen's 2000 Honda Accord can handle snow with appropriate tires and 310lbs in the driver side. Heck it could probably even climb Mt. Hood if it wanted to with me in it. (Thats right, I, Eric am bashing myself. =) But alas neither one of these seemed like good options and if you know Eric, you know he wants his Sunshine to be safe.  He would put her in a tank if we could afford it but that's not an option either. (Eric typing again, I looked at one that was for sale here with the Douglas County Auction that was used for the S.W.A.T. but it needed a new cat engine and I could not find one that could do 0-60 in 3 sec. so I opted for the new Chevy Tahoe. Back to Joleen) So if you are following our stream of consciousness blog here...that's right, we bought a new Chevy Tahoe. "What!? Are you crazy you say? Isn't that thing a gas guzzler?" Well, not really because it has a FlexFuel selective cylinder engine which means it goes from V8 to V4 while cruising. It can also utilize ethanol. We looked at trucks and long story short, the Lord made it clear He wanted us to buy this vehicle. We had a great buying experience and even got to witness to our finance manager. How cool is that? So Eric is thrilled. He has new toy with all the bells and whistles...seriously loaded with all kinds of cool stuff. This will keep him entertained for a while. I am not sure if I am going to be able to get it back once the snow comes =-) So one of Eric's companies (he is a corporate safety manager for Bently), Bently Biofuels, opened up their fueling station as of yesterday. Eric got to use our new vehicle as a model for a flex fuel vehicle. Yes, that is the hubby's Cabela's shirt on the television. (Eric here again, I just wanted to fill you in that my agent said they were not going to pay enough for a face shot so I opted for the lower pay check with three commas instead of the usual four. Back to you Joleen) Enjoy the link everyone!