Loving and Correcting

I recently talked about our beliefs when it comes to children, sin and salvation.  The first several months of being first time parents to twins is pure survival mode. We had no clue how to get the babies into a routine and were so exhausted.  Now that having two babies is part of our normal routine, as well as seeing their little personalities develop, there is a greater burden and sense of needing to teach our children.  I was recently asked in an e-mail if we were already disciplining.  I think the question was supposed to be more of a joke but the answer is actually yes.  I hope that's not too shocking but let me explain. 

Everyone knows that newborns have no sense of self-control.  Their innate sense is to cry to let you know their needs.  They will keep crying until they get those needs met with no sense of who is doing it.  As a child ages however, they have an understanding that it is mom and dad that meets their needs.  This can turn into manipulation via temper tantrums and whining.  Mom and dad want the temper tantrum or whining to stop so they give the child immediate gratification.  The child knows how to work mom and dad and they are the ones actually in control of the parent-child relationship.  Abraham and Winston are at the stage where they understand routine and consistency.  They are used to eating at certain times of the day, having nap times and going to bed at an appointed hour.  They do not however always agree with what we have planned for them.  Recently we have been getting more temper tantrums from the boys.  They understand the word 'no' because we reinforce it.  One thing they do that drives me nuts is when they wake up from a nap after a certain amount of time and flip out that I go to change their diaper.  They want to either eat or play, not be laid down for a diaper change.  Of course I prevail and get it done.  First tactic to reduce the tantrum is distraction.  I talk to them, sing to them, tickle them, etc. so that they do not go on.  Sometimes they insist on doing it though and that is when I tell them no.  I will wait for them to calm down so that I can finish rather than fighting against them.  I tell them as I am waiting that they need to calm down.  I explain that they are making the task they do not like last even longer.  We believe that correcting is discipline.  We believe that child training is discipline.  Discipline can have this connotation of being things like time outs or spanking but it's all the things we do to train our children out of love for them.  We can either reinforce good or bad behaviors.  Discipline has to be age appropriate obviously and right now we are working on what 'no' is as a foundation to build upon. 

Now here is where I say that while we may have these convictions, we are first time parents and learning every day (or at least are trying to) how we should go about this.  Parenting is the most humbling and sanctifying experience.  I think about how we have two first borns to potentially screw up and it's terrifying.  This where prayer comes in and pleading for lots of grace to go about things in the right way.  I think about this journey all the time and what it entails.  Eric and I discuss the appropriate way to go about correcting the boys.  There are so many variables.  If the boys are cranky because they are tired and it has been us that has extended them past a nap time then that responsibilty falls on us and not them.  Same goes for them being hungry or feeling ill.  It's tough gauging what the issue truly is sometimes that is causing the bad behavior.  Regardless though they need to learn that they cannot scream out of frustration or because they are not feeling well.  And sometimes I am just tired of listening to it so I give in.  I pick up the toy they dropped for the umpteenth time because I don't want to listen to the whining anymore. 

The thing that is so scary for me to think about is that it is never going to get any easier.  These boys are going to change and grow and the problems with them.  It is all so humbling.  I need to remember that we are not doing this out of sheer resolve on our own but instead relying on God to help us.  We are the guardians to these children that we have been entrusted with and ultimately are just trying to take the best care of them that we can.  I know I am a sinner and that I am going to fail.  Praise be to God that He is gracious and forgiving. 

If you're wondering what inspired this post, we had a very cranky child (cough...Winston) all day again that really tested our patience.  I was thinking about how I am going to need to grow in patience in order to be a good parent.  So all this heaviness needs some lightness.  Here is a video of the boys today.  This would be using distraction, overcoming whining with giggles: