Looking Forward to Sand Castles

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."   - C.S. Lewis

One of the many paradoxes of the Christian faith is that we are to seek to be content in all things, considering every situation good according to God's perfect will, yet have a faith that God can move mountains and change our situation in a dramatic way.  I can clearly remember driving to work in the last week of August and feeling tired.  I remember feeling like I was always tired and wondered if there was ever going to be a time in my life when I was not tired again.  Working full time and still waking up quite frequently with the boys at night, I saw the pretty sunrise over the Pine Nut Mountains and was reminded that the Lord's mercies are new every morning.  He was going to give me the grace and mercy to get through one more day.  He was going to give me what I needed to get through however long I needed to balance full time work and full time mommyhood.  Then I remembered C.S. Lewis's quote above. 

"Lord, am I so focused on survival, grinning and bearing it, seeking to be content, that I am not remembering that you can change this situation at any moment?  Am I seeking to love mud pies when you want me to realize you have the power to transform them into sand castles?" 

And with that I thought about how God had the power to do anything but that ultimately He was good in whatever He did.  I remembered that He gives us the ability to do difficult things.  I focused on the joy He could and does bring me. That same week Eric got a job offer.  I was floored.  It's not too often that we get to see God's will so clear and absolute.  Then that same day Eric got fired from a company he had been with for nearly thirteen years.  I was listening very intently now.  There was a sense of confusion especially for poor Eric but ultimately I felt at peace.  I saw God moving.  How could I not feel peace? Eric started his new job three weeks ago.  We were so excited because we knew the possibility was there.  We looked at our budget and the numbers worked. 

I gave notice at work this week.  On Thanksgiving Day I will spend my first official day as a stay at home mom.  I like working.  I find it fulfilling but it is nothing compared to the fulfillment that my children bring me.  I don't have to work full time any longer.  I don't have to spend my days feeling guilty that someone else is caring for my babies.  I don't have to be tired all the time and struggle to fill so many different hats. My ultimate dream is happening. 

I am crying because God actually wanted me to see the sand on the shore instead of making mud pies.  He did not have to do that.  He still would have been just as good and righteous in His will if I stayed working full time for the rest of my life.  I had forgotten His power.  If He can do little things like this that change my life so dramatically, I cannot even fathom what He accomplished through the cross.  Why is this all happening now exactly? I don't know.  His ways are far above my ways.  But I do know that it leaves me humbled and determined to never take it for granted that I get to spend these precious little years with my boys. 

Soli Deo Gloria.